How do you think? What do you use to process or comprehend what you see? What skills do you use to contemplate?

While you may bring into play a combination of skill sets or senses like sight, smell, touch, hearing etc., your final ability to comprehend or process the information, will be dictated by your ‘vocabulary’ and ‘knowledge’ which is stored in your brain or memory using some language which you have learnt.  While your are able to expand your memory using all your senses, the senses of touch, sight, smell, hearing, taste are only useful for ‘reacting’.  You are able to respond and think differently only using the words you possess in your memory.  That’s what differentiates us humans from the rest of the living beings.

In fact the process of thinking is actually a communication process by self within the boundaries of your mind / intellect.

You define your life using language or vocabulary which you possess and that definition will be limited by what you have, to express yourself. While this being the case, the extent of your vocabulary can at times be a limiting factor for ‘compelling action’.  The words you possess in your memory helps you to describe reality in many different ways leading to new ideas or creativity.

You may want to ponder – whether your vocabulary is coming in the way of your personal growth? Is it enabling or disabling? Empowering or Disempowering?

Have you started to think now? 🙂

Is there any other way you think?  Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Sree Kumar Palakkal

The quest to determine who is right and who is wrong is what leads you to a ‘dead-end’ in a ‘critical dialogue’.  What can you possibly do to avoid reaching there?

Practice empathy – put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  It so easy to end a critical dialogue or conversation feeling how irrational the other person has been, without even you considering the situation from their perspective.  You must learn to accept that each individual is different and comes with different perspectives; therefore, it is normal for them to have completely different viewpoints and conclusions. Differences are often the result of each individual being exposed to different levels of information and knowledge. It’s therefore in your best interest to avoid being offended by someone who disagree with you and put your energy in finding out whether the other person knows something that you don’t know yet. 

Assume good intentions – You must try and avoid assuming that the other person has ill intentions and hidden agendas, especially against you.  For example if your friend points out that “you look very tired”, they just are possibly looking out for your good health and well-being.  Don’t take it as an insult.  Isn’t it the same when you receive feedback from your parents about some things they wish you would change?  They care for you and therefore are taking the risk as well to provide you with critical feedback. Don’t always assume the worst intentions of the other person when you are engaged in a critical dialogue. 

Stop blaming – If someone misunderstands you in a heated conversation, it may not be solely their fault. You need both hands to clap, don’t you?  Take time to identify how each person has contributed to the critical dialogue and take responsibility for working through the situation together, so that you can come to a mutual understanding and agreement.

Try and ask yourself the following questions about the dialogue turning ‘critical’

  • Where did start?

  • How did you and the other person contribute to the situation?

  • What can you do to move the dialogue forward?

It might just stop you from hitting a ‘dead-end’ in a ‘critical dialogue’

A ‘compelling action’ is an idea of creating any situation that forces you to take action and produce a result.  A compelling action puts you in a situation where the only option is the desired option.  You deliberately design the situation to force you in the direction you want.

I recall a compelling action which helped me greatly in getting started and pursuing my dreams of being an entrepreneur.  Deep down I always wanted to be a coach and a consultant who would not just help people but also businesses realize their potential.  My good friend Mahesh and I kept deliberating about various possibilities for almost 2 years.  We were in a cushy job which paid well in those times, were high performers and had a bunch of colleagues who were great to spend the time with.  We kept waiting for the most appropriate time when we would quit our job and get started on our own.  The problem was we couldn’t, as we didn’t create a situation compelling enough to take the plunge.

I was just 4 months into my marriage and had the task of not just finding a home good enough to stay but also affordable in case I quit.  Yet the delay was frustrating.  One fine day I just decided to quit and put in my papers.  No safety of a job, no idea when my next salary will come from.  I initiated what I now call a ‘compelling action’ which forced me in the direction which I desired – set up a business of my own.  That one action helped me to weed out all the distractions which were so prevalent in my life at that time.  I created a situation that suited my idea of future self, to show up as that person here and now.  It’s close to three decades from the time I quit, and when I think what I have accomplished in my life, it wouldn’t have been possible if not for the ‘compelling action’.  It just did not help me but also Mahesh to take the leap.  He saw that I had taken the leap of faith with the idea which we discussed so much that he took a compelling decision to quit and join me. 

Implementing compelling actions into your life ensures that you’re constantly moving in a desired direction, often against your own resistance. I think compelling actions require time restraints which will force you to expand work to fill the time available for its completion.  When you give yourself a date and you are forced to come up with something by that deadline, you would have experienced that mostly it gets done. Otherwise, nothing gets done.

Initiating compelling actions into your life requires that you want the stakes for performance to be high, otherwise the compelling action isn’t powerful enough.

For me personally, my pride was on the line as I had to perform not only for myself but also for my wife who was the most burdened by my decision as she was thrust into such an unpredictable situation.  If not for her strong support, I would have probably given up even before the battle began.  That makes me feel that when you have a situation which compels you to action, you also attract along the way the necessary support and guidance in order for you to achieve your goal.

I must confess, compelling actions require the highest level of focus and engagement—the goal is to remain in the  flow and high performance. The situations of your life should be designed in such a way that you are completely absorbed in what you’re doing. You want to be required to produce your absolute best work, because if you don’t, the consequences will be very costly.

Are you serious about making the changes you want? Are you willing to put compelling actions into play? Compelling actions are serious, but they can also be fun. They can radically upgrade your motivation to succeed.

One of the most useful and powerful compelling action which I can think of is with regards to your financial investment.  When you invest money into something, you become more committed. That’s probably the reason why even banks look for the amount of risk you are willing to take in terms of investments before doling our the finances.  If you are not willing to put in your money, there is no guarantee of effort.  Nothing will compel you to work hard and take the pains to achieve your goals.  You will exit at the first resistance.

High performance coaches are known to harness the ‘power of a compelling action’ for getting the best out of their wards. They use that to effectively blur all the distractions which otherwise would come in the way of success. Even in the soldiers in the battlefield are presented with situations which have only one option – that being the desired option. That’s when they reach a zone where they find renewed courage, energy and the will to fight – no matter what!

Start thinking of areas in your life where you can initiate a ‘compelling action’ to be the person you always wanted to be.

There has to be a compelling reason after all!

It’s natural to have the thoughts of why is this happening to me? or why can’t I be spared?

It’s a fact, sometimes life sucks. It can make you feel like life is conspiring against you and all the people around are out to get you.

It’s inevitable that such thoughts cross our minds from time to time and do not do us any favors. The problem is when you allow those thoughts to stay with you for a long time; when you start to believe in the idea that it’s only happening ‘to you’.

What if you start telling yourself that life is not happening ‘to you’ but ‘for you’?

Of course all these might seem a cliché’ especially so when you are in the whirlpool of emotional upheaval and things are going wrong, it’s hard to see you any of what is happening is ‘for you’.

You might be tempted to ask “What does it even mean to me?” How can life be happening for me when I’m working so hard, yet things are going in the wrong direction?

It will help you if you know what to look for, cause you see only that which you seek.

Let’s look at ways in which challenging life situations may be happening ‘for you’ and not happening ‘to you’.

For you to learn

Sometimes it pays to look at the arising situations in a very practical manner. A challenge or a problem occurs to teach us a lesson about something we must do or implement to prevent that particular challenge or problem from recurring.

Always lookout for patterns and if you notice that the same type of situation is often occurring to you, it is likely that you can find a system or a process to stop that from recurring.

For example, several years ago I noticed that I often felt overworked and stressed about the thought of paying all my employees their salaries on time. I never missed doing that but felt dissatisfied at the end that I had very little left for myself. This was really demotivating and impacted not just my health but my ability to take decisions and be innovative in my approach to business.   Most days, my mind used to go blank thinking where I would get business and more money in order to promptly pay my employees their due.  So much so that I felt resentful of them for “taking advantage” of me and started blaming them for not doing enough themselves to contribute to the business.  The fact was that they were putting in their efforts and working as hard as I was.  When I thought about it, I realized that what was making me unhappy was the fact that I was not getting paid myself and compromising my peace.  That’s when I came across the wonderful book from Robert Kiyosaki “Rich Dad Poor Dad” in which he makes an important point about “paying yourself first”.  That’s when you will get the energy to take on the challenges of the day.  I decided to do just that and resolved that I will keep myself first – pay myself first.  This helped me approach my business with more intention and made me feel better.  A lesson I learnt and apply to this day.

For you to be aware

Sometimes the challenge or pain that you experience may not provide you with an obvious lesson but contributes to an awakening and lesson about life.

When I suffered a back injury and as I struggled with the after effects of stress and forced rest, the experience of which was I presume to serve my awakening.  The lesson about rest was a practical lesson.  Three months off from work gave me the opportunity to reflect on my life and focus on those parts which I would have otherwise neglected.  I could review my goals and bring about a semblance of balance in my life.  More importantly brought me to look at so many beautiful things around me which I have been missing all the while.  The road to recovery was sweeter by this experience and the injury served that purpose well.

To facilitate growth

Some of the toughest challenges cause us to draw on all our resources to adapt. It’s the challenge that facilitates our growth, strength, and flexibility. Sometimes challenges are an opportunity to show what we are capable of. It also serves the purpose of making us aware of the skills we need to navigate the vagaries of life.

I was once faced with a particularly tough challenge with someone who was spreading lies about me, physically threatening me and manipulating the environment to serve his malafide agenda. This person held a position of power in the organization which was being threatened by my increasing popularity with the management based purely on my performance. I was angry and frustrated and jumped into the game with a vengeance, losing control over my emotions.  I started to commit mistakes which gave this person a handle to further brow beat me in the increasingly messy conflict.  I was losing it till the time I brought up this case with my friend who was a good counsel during difficult times.  He advised me to show some compassion towards the person and practice forgiveness.  He directed my attention towards the fact that ‘the person was feeling a threat to his position and was reacting this way to protect his turf’.  Probably he has nothing against you as a person, he said.  On reflection, I saw the point which helped me reduce a great deal of anxiety and depression.  I learnt not to join the party.  My friend asked me whether I was able to feel compassion for myself as well.  While I told I had, as I reflected more, I saw that it wasn’t true.  I realized perhaps that’s what this experience had come to teach me – self compassion.

Self-compassion yields a number of benefits, including lower levels of anxiety and depression. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, which reduces their anxiety and related depression. Fortunately, it is a learnable skill.

To bring attention to your riches

A chance visit to an orphanage and spending time with the children there had a great impact on the way I started to look at my life from then on.  The whole experience provided me with contrasts so deep in meaning.  You see the kids happy about the little things in life and it reminds you about the riches you possess.  When you see them play and enjoy each other’s company, it showed how they have been able to leave behind the seemingly tragic nature of their life and learnt to make the best of what they had. I stopped whining about what I did not have and started to enjoy the life I have been gifted.

To foster empathy for others

A life of hardship or challenge gives you the necessary tools to serve others at a higher level. It helps to foster greater empathy and compassion towards others. Right from being rendered unemployed, to being a victim of deceit, failed business ventures, my experiences have at times been painful, but they give me a perspective that few others have when it comes to coaching high achievers who feel ashamed by their struggles. My clients often tell me that I can articulate what they feel better than they can. It’s only because I’ve been there.

To test you

What purpose do tests serve in school and college?  It helps us more to measure our progress and assess our capabilities.  It shows us the mirror for where we are and how far away we are from the destination.  It acts as a reminder of the actions you need to take to travel the distance successfully.  Often people say that challenging moments in life are like a test from the universe to test whether you ‘really’ want what you say you want.  It helps you realize your passion and desire towards your goals.  It also helps you to re-evaluate and review your goals from time to time.

To provide proof

Often when we are faced with difficult times and continued challenges in life, we feel  that the whole world is conspiring against us.  Those who have been brought up with the idea of ‘God’ and the existence of a ‘superior being’ start to question that very idea.  As my son who is a Doctor started to feel during the lockdown due to the Covid-19 pandemic.  He was stuck away from home, with no support as his house-help was unable to make it due to the lockdown.  His schedule at the hospital were erratic which upset his dietary schedules and health adversely.  He started to tell me “Pa you say God exists,  I don’t believe in that anymore.  Even prayers are not helping me during these times.  I am stuck with no support, erratic timing, no one to cook food and take care of my daily chores”.

I always felt that he was a person, all to himself and rarely used to interact with neighbours, staying aloof most of the time.  I encouraged him to start interacting with people around and seek their help.  To his pleasant surprise, he found out that an elderly couple who were his neighbours belonged to the same state and town from where we hail.  They were so kind to offer help and take care of all his dietary needs, so much so that they were willing and also got his clothes washed in their machine and kept them ready for him to use.  They made it a point to call him daily to check his well-being and ensured that he never felt alone and helpless.  For one whole month this wonderful couple took care of him as their own and I can’t but help feel a great sense of gratitude for their gesture.  It was a reminder and a lesson for my son that “God comes in many forms” and this beautiful couple were one such expression.  It was a ‘proof’.

For learning to trust

Sometimes the challenges we face are simply an opportunity to cultivate deeper trust that things will work out eventually.  It teaches us to trust the process and go through the actions in a diligent manner in order for us to achieve our goals.  It teaches us not just to trust ourselves and our abilities but people who could lend a hand in helping us realize our dreams.

Remember, Life happens ‘for you’ and not ‘to you’!

How would you react if you just lost a ‘practice’ match?  If I guessed right, you would just let it go and get on with your life.  You would just look at reviewing the mistakes you committed and learn from it so that you do not commit the same mistake again.  I am sure you wouldn’t end your life for losing a practice match, will you?

I have come across so many people who freeze with fear of committing a mistake.  They choose to avoid than confront.  They believe that anything which is done by them has to be right the very first time and so they keep visualizing the horror of possible mistakes they would end up committing.

You would have seen that successful people and teams are those who brush a setback or failure aside and look to seize the next opportunity which they believe will come their way.  They define their identity based on future possibilities and not the past.

If you have ever learnt to play a musical instrument you would understand what I am trying to get at.  You would play a note a zillion times before you get the right tone.  You would practice till you get it right.  You wouldn’t give up the effort on your very first attempt, or will you?  That applies to any new skill you seek to learn.  When you are in the process of ‘practicing’ you never worry about the mistakes you would end up committing and keep at it.

What if you start leading your life as if it is a ‘practice’?

In life its not that we are only granted a single moment with which we must awe the crowd or win the game and then retire.  Life is practice.  A disagreement with someone can be followed by greater effort at gaining understanding. A missed game can be followed by an impromptu visit to the Cinema. Misfortune can be an occasion to strengthen one’s resolve to try harder just as success can be an opportunity to practice humility.

But what exactly do we mean by practice? In this context, practice is effort expended at improving one’s effectiveness. Through disciplined mental and behavioral repetition, one seeks to grow more skillful at achieving desired ends.

If music, medicine and law can be a called a practice, then why not life itself?  It will help you to take the ups and downs in your stride and not get bogged down and freeze all action.

In ‘practice’ you do provide allowances for mistakes and failures and are okay with it. Taking life as a practice will provide you with the much needed freedom to take risks, experiment, be creative, and succeed and enjoy life as you desire.

There is a mindset during ‘practice’ which is not only positive but also acts as a great confidence booster. Tapping into that mindset can help you accomplish much more in life than what you do now.

So why not start your ‘Life Practice’ today?

I remember having missed a penalty in a crucial game which cost my team the match and a chance to play in the finals.  I couldn’t sleep the night after and as I couldn’t’ cope with the effects of the emotional trauma it had on me.  Our team was put up inside the stadium facility, so I stepped out of my room and was sitting by the turf and ruminating about the missed opportunity.  It was midnight and my coach caught me in a distraught state.  He walked up to me and gave me a lesson which I would never forget.

“You will be the team’s first choice for taking the penalty in the next match as well” he said.  It was for the third place play-off.  My hands started to sweat and my mind went blank when I heard this from him.  Far from taking the penalty, I was contemplating of sitting out the next one, for I didn’t want to commit another blunder and cost my team.  “Will you keep running away from environments where you failed?  In this way there will be a time when you will be doing nothing” said my coach.  “Remember your past shouldn’t limit your future.  Learn to remain in the moment and focus on what you have to do in the ‘here’ and ‘now’ and let all your actions be towards your future goal”.  You can’t go into the past and change it can you?  If you convince me that you can go back into the past and change the outcome of the match which is done and dusted then I won’t stop you from sitting out, he said. All you can do and have control is what you will do in the moment.  I did realize that I was trying to define my future self on the basis of my past and that was not going to help.  I needed to focus on the match ahead.

When we talk of trauma, we mostly think of major events in our life.  However, we must realize that it comes in variety of forms and is part of each of our lives.  It can manifest from any negative experience or incident that shapes who you are and how you choose to operate in this world.  We all have experienced or impacted by such trauma, haven’t we?

When we have negative experiences we start to think about everything in binaries. I failed, so I am not good at this. 

This kind of fixed mindset that you cannot develop or grow is a typical approach which is defined by the past.  Our emotions take charge and we do not critically evaluate what happened.  We do not have enough data or evidence to support or justify it.  My own situation of missing a penalty was a first and had not happened in the past for me.  How could I then give up playing a sport just based on this one incident?

The emotion that I should stay away from this manifested from a terrible emotional experience of letting down my team.

I realize that people do not want to deal with or confront failure.  Instead of trying they convince themselves to simply go for a less painful and risky option of escape.

“You have an opportunity to help your team get a podium finish.  By not playing you are going to deny yourself and the team from this wonderful chance” the words of my coach kept ringing in my mind and I just screamed out loud and let all the negative steam out of my system.

This is one very important reason why you shouldn’t be making decisions about your future when you are in a traumatic and emotionally broken state.  From that state our choices will be limited.

We somehow continually settle for lesser goals in order to avoid pain.  By avoiding our fears and not facing up to the truth, we limit our ability to achieve our dreams and goals.

“In professional sports you do not have time to get upset and discouraged if you miss a chance.  You have to get back in the game and stay attentive in the moment and remain committed to your goal of helping your team win, regardless of how you are feeling.  If you keep ruminating on the missed penalty or a chance to score then you won’t be able to operate fully on the field, which will create more problems for you and your team” were the concluding remarks of my Coach that night and I thank him for supporting me and guiding me through that traumatic experience.

I learnt that the less you hold on to mistakes and painful experiences, the better you are able to align your current actions to achieve your goals.  What happened in the past doesn’t have to impact your present.

Your trauma could be in any area of your life – failure in math, a lost business deal, interpersonal conflicts, financial loss, being at the receiving end of deceit or loss of a dear one.

Ask yourself this one question “Can I go back in time and change the outcome?”  I was fortunate to have an empathetic witness in the form of my coach, who helped me alter my experience.

Do Not Ever Allow Your Past Traumatic Experience To Define Your Future Identity!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s exposure which provides you the incentive to dream big, set goals and achieve something in life.

We run a program titled “Build A Life” for young and less privileged girl children.  This program used to provide them with much needed tool kits which help empower them to achieve greater success in life – from education to employment.  As part of the program, we used to take these kids on visits to large corporate offices, get them to dine in plush restaurants, take them to fashion events and many such places which are supposedly reserved for the elite.  Now, you might say that this would have made them feel unsatisfied and unhappy with their lives and it was really bad on our part to expose them to such environment.

Not really.  We found that often these kids would say even they wanted to one day grow and become professionals who work in such big offices.  They came out with a stronger resolve to become what they were exposed to.  To dine in the best restaurants, to be able to witness the so-called elitist events and shows from the front rows.  I realized that such ‘exposure’ was providing subconscious-enhancing experiences for these. We were exposing them to a different way of living. We were providing an emotional experience within an enriched environment that opened the children’s imaginations to new possibilities that they had never before considered.

Come to think of it, how would you ever make decisions and choices if you don’t know such possibilities exist? Your ability to make powerful choices, set goals and achieve them is going to be limited by your context and knowledge. When you are exposed to that context, you expand your possibilities. Your goals are based on what you’ve been exposed to.  If your exposure is limited then your thinking is limited.

Knowledge is key to setting goals. You can’t pursue something you don’t know exists. Exposure is the first source of goals. Whatever you’re pursuing right now is based on what you’ve been exposed to. Creating better goals—and thus designing a better future—requires learning more, changing your perspective, and opening yourself up to something new.

You need to have experiences which stretch your imagination and force you to see a future for yourself which is different from the limited perspective you currently have.

It’s like the exposure setting in a camera.  The correct exposure gives you the right image.  Therefore it is also important to expose yourself in appropriate contextual settings.

The need for maximum exposure to achieve something is further validated by real-world experiences.  A child who is constantly exposed to the business world cause of his parents will be a natural in business.  Similarly children of great musicians, actors, sportsmen et al., naturally end up pursuing the line which they have been exposed to.

If you want to be an acclaimed writer, blogger or networker, expose yourselves to platforms and forums which keep stretching your imagination towards possibilities. Allowing you to see a different future, and giving you permission to actively pursue that future. Aren’t you already doing that on social media platforms? 

If you wish to achieve success for yourself or help your kids pursue their dreams in their interest areas – provide maximum exposure to that context.

Are you yet to expose yourself?

The true self is considered to be your ‘authentic self’.  My question to you is what would happen if you discover your so-called ‘authentic self’?  You start saying “this is me” and “I have discovered myself”.  Don’t you realize that once you have discovered, the quest ends?  You conveniently slip into your comfort zone.

How can you discover yourself without action?  In fact self-discovery is hard work which people are not willing to undertake.  They fall into the trap of such assessments and labels which provide them with convenient excuses  to avoid hard work.

The excuse that one should only do those things which comes naturally, or one is passionate about or to ones liking is one of the most used and I would say abused way of destroying personal growth.

Let’s say that you are a person who has been labeled an ‘introvert’ through some study or assessment and have fear of speaking before a group.  Most often we are told that since it is highly stressful for you in groups, let’s provide you with a context where you will not be required to speak in groups or be provided with roles which does not demand working with others.  This is so limiting, isn’t it?

Rather than helping you become more confident and skilled in speaking and presenting before groups, such statements cater to the individual’s demand to avoid work thereby essentially validating a fixed mindset and a lack of flexibility.

A problem with this view I find is people tend to feel entitled to perform only those tasks or roles which feel natural or easy for them.  If they find something hard or difficult then they say “I am not a natural and I don’t have to do this”

In over three decades of working with people, helping them find their authentic self, using personality assessments, I have come to realize that they have often limited growth than helped.  People have used ‘authenticity’ as a way to excuse themselves from doing things outside of their comfort zones and only do those things which are easy and of least effort.

If you look at all those great people who have achieved considerable success in life and you would like to emulate, they did not use “this is who I am and this is my true-self” as a phrase to stop seeking things which they wanted to.  In fact almost all of them went out of their comfort zones and worked tirelessly to achieve what they wanted to.

I have seen people say that they are not ‘creative’, ‘introverted’, ‘agreeable’ and ‘not so conscientious’ just cause some personality test revealed it to them.  Do not take the easy path of discovering yourself through these tests.  Rather ask yourself the question – “How can be more creative?”; “What skills do I need to become creative?”.  Put yourself in situations where you will be required to socialize and interact with a whole bunch of people and you will see that your social / extraversion ability will improve.  Learn to ‘negotiate’ and say ‘no’ and when you do that often you will overcome your problems with high levels of agreeableness.

I am coming from this question which is often asked in my workshops on self-awareness and personality that “if personality is innate and cannot be changed?”  Even I have been guilty of selling the idea that it is more or less fixed and can’t be altered.

When I reflect on it, I come to realize that I have myself limited my growth at times and not done some things in life because I started to believe in this nonsense of ‘true self’ and the ‘true me’.  I found out that I was always doing things out of my comfort zone playing a child, a student, a teacher, a husband, a parent, a colleague and an entrepreneur.  I didn’t’ ever have or use the phrase “this is me and that’s all I can or am happy to do” to avoid responsibility and growth.

I am not suggesting that personality assessments are not good.  All I am saying is that those tests which tend to ‘label’ you into types should be discarded immediately.  Till date I have found only one personality assessment which provides immense flexibility and infact goes on to scientifically prove that personality does change over a period of time and can also be altered to the context you are in is the ‘Big 5’ personality traits assessment. Even that I would say shouldn’t be used to justify your limitations, instead you must use it to look at ways and means of developing those aspects of your personality which will help you achieve your ‘future state’.

Don’t fall prey to labeling and start to believe in it so much that you forego the power to choose who you want to be.  Let me tell you that ‘authenticity’ is about being honest about facing facts and not justifying your limitations.  It is what you believe in.

All I am saying is “you should be true to who you want to be and not what you were in the past”

Only when you have a ‘goal’ you can ‘score’

Visualize your future self. Who do you see? Describe your ‘self’.

Do you visualize and consciously design your future identity of self?

What would happen if you base your identity on who you want to be, rather than who you have been all this while?

Remember, “Who you want to be” is much more important than who you are right now. Your ‘Goals’ should direct all your current identity and being far more than your past identity.

Hopefully, you will have a wide range of experiences than you are currently experiencing of yourself. Your future will have greater opportunities, in terms of your relationships, career, finances, health, and self-view and you will have a far greater choice than what you have currently.  You will have greater knowledge, skills and network.

It’s a possibility that your future could be limited than what it is today based on what you are doing right here and now.

If your behaviors are not commensurate with your future goals and you make wrong decisions and choices then you will end up with less than your current self.

Most of the times interruptions and procrastination which seem small and harmless can cascade and multiply into huge problems over time. People get themselves into terrible situations due to their own poor decisions. Their lack of intention, planning, and goal-directed action is what makes them much worse than their former selves. They pay the price in all dimensions of their life.

However, life can take a whole new meaning when you  start to think about what you want your future to look like. Instead of making choices based on your current situation and identity you should start making choices which your future self would appreciate. You are responsible for setting yourself up for as much opportunity, success, and joy as possible. This is how you become the person and create the life you want, rather than living like someone with a whole lot of regret.

Are you caught up in finding “who you really are”?

It’s a trap best avoided.  Instead focus your energies towards “What you want to be” – because that’s what matters.

When you start your pursuit to find who you really are, what you are actually ending up doing is to get stuck up in the past.  Instead of focusing on what you can do to enhance your life, you’ve only tried discover or understand why you are the way you are.  This is very limiting as it is a pursuit of comforting yourself of your limitations. It is sort of self-serving nonsense best avoided.

Most people somewhere deep down are desirous of changing their lives and believe that they can make changes in their lives.  It’s only when you have given up hope you start to focus inwards and try to discover the so-called ‘you’ so that you can find solace or comfort in the ‘bullshit’ of self-acceptance.

Stop! Find some purpose.  Set some goals.  You know you are cheating yourself by this façade of self-discovery.  All these concepts have been carefully crafted, packaged and sold by an industry which thrives on the tourism of self-discovery.  Mind you even I am a party.

It’s certain that you will be someone, someday – what matters is for you to choose what you want to be.  The choices you make are going to define your future.  You know from your life experiences that all what you have achieved has come to you because of your deliberate and intentional focus.  Our mind is a goal seeking device and is always desirous of a clear purpose or vision.  The more clear you are about your goals and the more you visualize the outcome you desire, the higher will be your motivation to achieve.

Okay, now that you have discovered yourself and accepted yourself; what would happen?  Do you resign to this fact and stop living?  For example, you discovered that you are not ‘creative’ by nature, does that mean that you abandon the attempt to create forever?  What if you discovered that you are a ‘shy’ person?  Do you resign to this fact and stop your social interactions?

What propels you forward is your vision of “What you want to be”.  Life happens only when you have a purpose.  A mind which doesn’t have a purpose and a compelling one at that is of a person who is already ‘dead’ – Are you?

People can and do change.  You have too.  It’s for you to make those choices.

Please do not ‘resign’, ‘design’ instead!