In the depths of our being, the conflict lies dormant, waiting to awaken our restless souls. It is born from the forbidden seeds of emotions, desires, and thoughts that haunt us, casting a veil of anxiety upon our existence. How ironic it is that our instinctive response to this turmoil is to defend ourselves, yet we remain oblivious to the true nature of our inner battles.

The conscious mind rarely embraces the forbidden truths that reside within, choosing instead to shield itself from the discomfort they bring. Our defensiveness becomes a potent elixir, numbing the pain and granting us the ability to navigate a world that would otherwise be unbearable. But there comes a time when reliance on this makeshift remedy must cease, and the roots of our anguish must be unearthed and healed.

In the realm of leadership development, telltale signs of this defensive behavior emerge, like ghosts haunting the corridors of progress. We change the subject when confronted with certain issues, evading the unsettling truths that lie before us. Denial becomes our shield, proclaiming the absence of any problem, while our eyes betray our hidden fears. We turn a blind eye to admitted faults, hoping that ignorance will grant us a reprieve. We weave elaborate rationalizations, attempting to justify questionable actions that defy our moral compass. And in moments of sheer desperation, we even succumb to reckless acts, lashing out in defiance.

But let us not be slaves to these defensive walls we have erected. Let us cast aside the veil of illusion and face our demons with unwavering courage. For only by delving into the depths of our souls, by confronting the shadows that dwell within, can we truly break free from the chains of self-imposed limitations.

The path to healing beckons us, inviting us to embrace vulnerability and seek solace in the uncomfortable truths that lie buried. It is a journey that demands introspection, self-discovery, and a willingness to confront our deepest fears.

Let us rise above the allure of defensiveness and embark on this transformative quest, for it is through embracing our own imperfections that we become the architects of our own growth and the catalysts for change.

Leaders, despite their position of authority, are not immune to defensive behaviors that shield them from confronting uncomfortable truths. Here are some common defensive behaviors exhibited by leaders:

1. Subject Change: Leaders may divert the conversation or shift the focus when certain sensitive issues are raised, avoiding direct confrontation and evading the discomfort that accompanies those discussions.
2. Denial: In a bid to preserve their image or maintain control, leaders may outright deny the existence of a problem or downplay its significance, refusing to acknowledge the reality that challenges their leadership or the organization’s well-being.
3. Ignoring Admitted Problems: Even when a problem has been acknowledged or brought to their attention, leaders may choose to ignore it, hoping that by turning a blind eye, it will dissipate on its own or lose significance over time.
4. Rationalization: Leaders may engage in the act of rationalizing questionable actions or decisions, attempting to justify their behavior by providing seemingly logical explanations that may overlook ethical considerations or the impact on others.
5. Acting Out: In moments of heightened stress or frustration, leaders may succumb to impulsive or reckless behavior, lashing out in defiance or exerting control in a manner that is uncharacteristic of their usual leadership style.

It is important for leaders to recognize and address these defensive behaviors, as they hinder personal and professional growth, impede effective decision-making, and hamper the development of a healthy organizational culture.

Reflections

What are some of the defensive behaviors you have seen leaders exhibit?

1. Denial
2. Subject change
3. Ignoring admitted problems
4. Rationalization
5. Acting out

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The need to strike a balance between privacy and transparency is one of the main issues facing leaders in the age of social media criticism. Leaders must be open and honest about their actions and choices, but they must also respect both their own and their team members’ privacy.

The requirement to control public opinion presents another difficulty. Social media can be an effective instrument for influencing public opinion, but it also has potential drawbacks. Leaders need to be able to maneuver this complicated environment and make the most of social media.

In the era of social media criticism, one of the primary challenges for leaders is finding a balance between privacy and transparency. Leaders must be transparent and truthful about their decisions and actions, but they must also protect the privacy of both themselves and their team members.

The need to manage public perception creates still another challenge. Although social media can be a useful tool for swaying public opinion, there may also be negative effects. Leaders must be able to navigate this complex environment and utilize social media to their advantage.

Transparency – an essential leadership attribute

An essential quality of a leader is transparency. However, it’s crucial to strike a balance between openness and privacy. Leaders should be open and honest about their plans, but they also need to respect the privacy of their team members and other stakeholders.

In order to strike a balance between transparency and privacy, leaders should take the following things into account:

1. The nature of information: Leaders should take into account how sensitive the information they are sharing is. Some information could be too delicate to be disclosed in public.

2. The audience: Leaders should take into account who they are communicating with. Specific audiences may find some information appropriate, but not others.

3. The timing: When delivering information, leaders should consider this. It could be more suitable to communicate some information than others at some moments.

4. The goal: Executives should think about why they are disseminating information. It might not be beneficial to share information merely for the sake of transparency.

5. The organization’s culture: Leaders need to take this into account. Transparency may be more important to some organizations than to others.

Leaders should make an effort to be open while still being aware of privacy issues. They should give considerable thought to who they will share their information with, when, and why.

How can organization leaders manage employee opinion?

By fostering a supportive work environment that promotes open communication and feedback, leadership in an organization can control and shape employee opinion. Additionally, they can give staff members chances to take part in decision-making and encourage them to express their thoughts and opinions.

A culture of trust and respect, as well as clear expectations and goals, frequent feedback, and acknowledgment, are other ways that leaders can influence the opinions of their workforce. Employees are more likely to feel appreciated and engaged if this is done, which can boost output and raise job satisfaction.

Leaders must learn to cut off the noise.

It is crucial for leaders to turn off the noise because it contaminates their thinking and decision-making. Experts in cognitive biases and errors in decision-making describe how noise—or unwelcome variability—clouds organizations’ judgments and what to do about it, according to a McKinsey paper. According to the paper, businesses should take measures to decrease noise in their decision-making processes, such as standardizing data collection practices and ensuring that all decision-makers have access to the same data.

By employing a well-defined decision-making process that includes asking for feedback from coaches and others, engaging in discussion with others, and challenging their assumptions by looking for evidence that contradicts their beliefs, leaders can learn to overcome biases that can creep into their decision-making process.

It’s also crucial to look in the mirror, reflect on one’s thoughts, and identify any firmly held ideas.  Strong self-awareness is a quality that successful leaders possess and use to guide their teams and organizations.

A new set of abilities and tactics are needed for leadership in the social media age. Effective communication, online reputation management, balancing privacy and transparency, and public opinion management are skills that leaders must possess. By doing this, they may win the trust of their followers and thrive in the competitive digital environment of today.

Taking the help of a personal coach can help leaders immensely.

By increasing their self-awareness about who they are “being” in the coaching session and how they are contributing to the client’s growth—or lack thereof—coaching can help leaders overcome their biases. Simply acknowledging and accepting that prejudices exist—to some extent—in all of us can be incredibly beneficial in your leadership journey. 

By providing a safe space for leaders to explore their thoughts and feelings without being judged, coaching can help them recognize their biases and work on them. Leaders can overcome their prejudices with the assistance of coaches who can help them create fresh perspectives and modes of thought. Leaders can learn to identify their biases and create coping mechanisms by working with a coach.

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One quality all great leaders possess is their ability to “read between the lines” during conversations.  They are able to understand the subtext in people’s communication.

Our communication is frequently influenced by subtext.  In order to effectively communicate, it is crucial to learn how to use this information.

Let’s see an example to understand this clearly.

We must always remember to separate the overt from the covert – what we perceive and the reality.

Imagine that you are walking by a crowded street and suddenly find a man lying there in a pool of blood.  As your eyes make contact with a burly-looking stranger, he starts to make a run and turns around the corner.  Hey, “wait” you shout as you see a car speeding out from the lane and turning at high speed.

Why does this man run when he sees you?  Why is the car speeding out of the lane immediately after?

Because the man committed a crime and is running around the corner to jump into a car driven by his accomplice, who then speeds away to escape from the crime scene.

The scene above never said you saw the stranger committing the crime.  Also, there was no mention of you having seen this man jumping into the car and that it was his accomplice who helped him escape the crime scene.

You deduced it from the scene itself, the description, and the mood of the scene. Is “wait” a subtextual word? Or even “running”; or “speeding”?  There is nothing hidden in the words, other than “stop”, and “don’t run”, depending on the way it is delivered in the scene.

Imagine that the stranger was working as an assistant in the neighborhood pharmacy and had just run around the corner to get some first aid for the man who was lying there bleeding.  It might have been the man in the car who would have actually committed the crime.

The key to better communication and increased likeability is to use subtext to fill in the blanks of any incoming communication. You will quickly realize that practically everything a person says contains subtle undertones intended to subtly or overtly convey extra messages if you pay close attention.

Consider how people’s past experiences and histories may relate to the current situation. What feelings are involved here? Hint: at least one main emotion is always present. It will unavoidably affect their goals, perspectives, and motivations in a way that might cause their message to diverge from what they actually mean.

If you are aware of someone’s overall personality qualities, you may frequently make a decision by considering how they would prefer to act in the given circumstance. Someone is likely internally shouting “NO!” if they are exceedingly quiet and timid and reply to anything to the extent of “I agree… I suppose.” Basically, take into account the source and how a person’s experiences affect how they communicate.

Examine a person’s vocal tone to determine their sincerity. Are they serious, angry, or sarcastic? Does the message’s tone fit with it? Someone probably means no if they answer affirmatively but with sarcasm. Someone is probably not satisfied with the conclusion if they agree but act furious about it. If they answer honestly and with a “yes,” they are either conflicted or don’t care. There are countless ways to interpret vocal tones, but the majority do in fact imply that the words are not to be taken literally.

Watch how people react to you. You may tell how someone is feeling about what you say by seeing how patient, kind, and accommodating they attempt to be. This includes the amount of silence you hear and the level of curiosity they exhibit. Even if they agree with you, if someone waits for two beats to respond to a straightforward question, they may have had to consider their response and may be conveying negativity through subtext.

Observing how far people differ from their typical pattern of behavior is another factor to consider, which can call for more observant abilities. What does it indicate that your boss is somber and pessimistic if they are usually upbeat? It can make the statement “Things are going well” convey the complete opposite meaning. You can use the hints that subtext leaves to sharpen your communication skills. Signs are left all over the place.

Of course, the difficult thing is interpreting these facets of a person at the same time, as you could in a typical daily conversation.

This means that in reality, you have two tasks to complete:

1. analysing the dialogue and selecting the appropriate response; and
2. keeping an eye out for subtextual indications.

You might be able to educate yourself to recognize particular subtexts and social cues, but can you recognize them when you’re actively looking for others? Or will your capacity for simultaneous observation be limited? This might be true that it would require three brains and six pairs of eyes for you to see so many things at once.

The only thing we can do is start small and practice until these things – why did they say that, what are they experiencing, and what may it indicate — become a habitual thought process. I want to leave you with a quick exercise to set the mood before we wrap up our discussion about subtext. It’s very simple: go out in public and watch people interact. For instance, you could sit in a café and stealthily monitor the individuals at the tables next to yours.

Since you can’t hear the overt dialogue, you must assume what the covert communication’s subtext is saying. Assign the people you are witnessing histories, feelings, and motivations. Make up stories and venture out on a limb. The narrative you conjure up in situations like this will get more and more accurate as you hone your subtext skills.

Reflections

1. How often have you found a gap between what you hear people say, your perceptions and the underlying message?
2. How do you think mastering the art of reading the subtext of messages people convey will help you?
3. Do you think your ability to read the subtext will make you more likeable and approachable for others?

Leaders would do well to understand that micro-managing is like the helicopter parent who is seemingly disapproving of all that their team members do.

I was trying to relate this one to my own personal experience and found it so relevant that I chose to share with you some insights that I gained.

This was about 30 years back when my wife and I were dating.  Being brought up in a conservative family environment where all decisions in your life were taken by parents, was blasphemous, to say the least.  Those were the days when parents thought that all that they did was in the best interests of the family and they were always ‘right’.

They were disapproving of our relationship and did all in their power to stop us from seeing each other.  That included, for my poor partner being locked up for days at home to character assassination of yours truly to extremes like threats to disown us.

The interesting thing about all these attempts was that the more they did of these, the closer and tighter we became in our relationship.  We started to find immense strength from each other’s company and felt like having the power to take on the world.  There was something very unnerving of about parents meddling in their children’s affairs that appeared to motivate us kids to rebel.

I realized that the more I was told to refrain from doing something, the more resolute I became in continuing.  The idea became more and more appealing to me and my partner.

The lesson here is that talking more and offering suggestions often were counterproductive and had low success rates.  Isn’t it similar to smokers still continuing to smoke despite all the graphic pictures and symbols shown on the pack?  I am sure you can relate to this when anyone tries to hard sell you an idea and the way you dig in your heels to oppose or stall it with vigor.

The harder we are pushed, the harder we resist!

Today, absenteeism, non-cooperation, and employee disengagement are early warning signs of a micro-managing boss.   

Employee turnover is the ultimate act of defiance against the leaders who have been guilty of micro-managing and giving little or no autonomy to their employees.

As with parenting, leaders need to be less controlling and more supportive and facilitative in their approach.  All the more important for leaders who are working with Gen Z, Gen X, and Gen Alphas.

Any attempt to control can lead to what social psychologists call the “Romeo and Juliet” effect.  As was the case with me and my partner.  The impact of that is still relevant.