If you are not in the habit of listening to the quite voice of
your inner guidance, you may be guided by your Ego.  Making life changes become overwhelmingly difficult when you are out of touch with your inner guidance.

In fact genuine inner guidance which according to quantum physicist comes from the holographic imprints of knowledge which rests in each one of us.  Now how do we identify such intuitive guidance?

The intuitive voice is quiet but persistent.  Thoughts keep coming back, but are not marked by urgency.  The ego’s voice demands that you make a choice now, out of fear that some thing will disappear.  

Intuitive messages point you in a direction of self-development.  The ego, by contrast says, “Why bother?” “It’s too much trouble.”, It costs too much”  The ego rationalizes away action and defends the status quo.

The intuitive voice uses simple declarative statements, such as “it’s time to go back to school” etc., which are specific and useful.  The ego keeps rehashing old ground rules and relies on justifying statements.  Intuitions directly and clearly come to mind.  The ego voice is indecisive and anxious.  It tries to control events.

The intuitive voice moves you out of your comfort zones.  The ego voice loves to tell you horror stories.  The intuitive voice gives you one step or goal at a time.  The ego sets up contradictory goals or creates no-win situation.

Intuition tells you what to do to be true to yourself.  The ego tells you what to do to make things good for others.

Here are some insights and suggestions to enjoy the power which comes from your intuitive voice:

• Feed your fascination
• Don’t be afraid of selfishness
• Remember, helplessness may be just inexperience
• Expect setbacks
• Use persistence as necessary
• …………………….
• …………………….
• ……………………

What’s yours?

When you feel that the situation is not something you have a control over, and you do not have the ability to manage or control the cause or root of the problem then you tend to use the emotion-oriented coping strategy. The goal is to handle the feelings of distress being experienced by you, and not really what causes these emotions.

Needless to say, this is also the approach that most people resort or turn to whenever they are facing a lot of stress. People come up with various strategies and techniques that are meant to reduce or manage stress, and these can either be positive or negative responses – or both.

Ideally the action-oriented coping strategy is better, since it seeks to address and deal directly with the cause of the problem and actively find solution to put an end to it. The solutions which and action-oriented approach provides are for the long term, which cannot be said for emotion-focused coping strategies, which are mostly just delaying tactics and for short-term comfort.

However, the immediate benefits of the emotion-focused approach to stress cannot be denied.  It is often because people do not have control over a situation or the factors that are causing the stress in the first place. When people lose their grip on the whole situation, they tend to react using their emotions in order to cope with it.

In reality we are predisposed to use our emotions as a first response to any stress. As any stress first hits you at the heart of your emotions.  While, this coping strategy is not going to address the underlying issue or main problem, it will, at least, reduce the negative responses or outcomes triggered from them.

What then are some of our default emotion-oriented responses to stress?

Anger One of the most common or default emotional response to stress is rapidly getting angry when triggered.  This is typically our ‘fight’ response to stress.  People are unable to think rationally and use anger as an escape mechanism for short term relief.  Anger does provide some benefits. It at times acts as a motivating force that  might make people feel more optimistic and confident. Acknowledging anger can help lower stress on the heart and manage pain as some laboratory studies have gone on to who. And expressing anger as it arises (instead of bottling it up and letting it all come out in one explosive fight) has also been found to benefit interpersonal relationships.

‘Flight’ or ‘Denial The flight response or denial can take many forms. A person may decide to take the “flight” option and run away so he doesn’t have to deal with things directly, or he may seek other forms of escape that will give him escape and even momentary forgetfulness, anything to delay having to deal with the problem.

Worrying Some people will become resigned to their fate, and will go along with the flow of events, saying they have no choice. However, they will be especially and visibly gloomy and unhappy about it, sulking, and even complaining about the unfairness of it all.  Whenever stressors occur they fear for the ‘worst’.  At times they transfer their worries to others in their immediate circle as well.  You can easily identify such people in groups.  High levels of ‘neuroticism’ is seen to be behind such worrisome nature.

Long rebound time is one of the emotional response to stress. This can be identified with people who frequently bring their ‘past’ in transactions with the outside world.  Their past failures or stressors start to influence the way they react to situations in the present. You will find them to be lost, when you are in conversation with them as they are yet to recover from the past stressful situation.  Any stressful event will bother them for long time.

Reticence or being in the background and social withdrawal is another emotional response when stressed.   People may choose to avoid confronting the issue head on using an action oriented strategy and let others take charge of the situation and this gives them an opportunity to;

Blame as you need something – or someone – to vent your frustrations on. If people cannot or will not blame themselves , they will turn to others. For some people, pinning the blame on someone else somehow eases the load off their shoulders. In a way, it allows them to have control; no matter that it is very trivial; because they have someone to hold accountable for its fallout.

Excessive Problem focus Whenever confronted with any task which demands more than the available resources or skill sets, people are quick to spell out all the problems in undertaking the task.  It’s an emotional response to the fear of failure.  No matter how many solutions you come up with, they are quick to identify a problem in that solution as well.  It goes into a loop and no matter what you throw at them, excessive problem focus as a strategy starts to paralyze all affirmative action.

Now that we have looked at the default emotional response to our stressors, it’s time to look at how we can use it as a strategy to overcome stress.

It has to do with managing your ‘feelings’ using cognitive and behavioral methods to stress management.

Cognitive reframing Instead of focusing on the negatives of a situation, changing focus to the positives can reduce your stress levels.  For example if something goes wrong you can start to look at it as an opportunity to learn from and use such lessons in the future.  Like in the case of a failed sales pitch.  Instead of getting frustrated about the failure you could take a step back from the initial bad feeling and think objectively. Think about it: maybe you are looking at it all wrong. Maybe it is not really something that you should stress about or, even if it is, it is not something that will require a drastic response from you.

Learn how to find a silver lining in this situation. Try to look at the situation from a different perspective. You may even find something good or beneficial coming out of that stressful situation. For example of a rejected job applicant, reframing may involve, looking at the situation from the point of view of the recruiter that interviewed him or her, and made the final decision NOT selecting him for the position. Then maybe the person will end up acknowledging that, indeed, the other candidate chosen for the job was a better fit for the position.

Use of positive affirmations can help promote positive feelings and overall outlook during stressful situations.  For example, silently repeating, “I can do more than I think” or “Being positive is a choice, I choose to make” or “Whatever happens, happens for a larger good” can be very helpful emotional response to stressors.

Looking at the big picture Sometimes a stressful situation feels more devastating than it actually is. Asking a question like, “Will this matter in five years?” is one way to put a situation in perspective. This can make the stressful situation feel less overwhelming.

Rearrange or effect changes Maybe you need a change of environment. Go on a getaway or, if you want something more permanent, move to a new home. If this is not feasible, you can effect smaller changes. Rearrange your home and change your living environment. Change your routine in the morning when you wake up. Maybe you can take a different route to and from work. Even the slightest change or shift may have a positive effect on your stress levels.

Distract with new experiences Sometimes, you may feel that you are sick and tired of your work, and that is bringing you stress. Then look for a distraction that is entirely separate from the nature of your work. Find a new hobby.

Just talk Talking with someone you trust and who is willing to patiently listen to all what you have to say is a good strategy to reduce stress from pent up emotions. This is a great “letting it out” strategy. Stress may make you feel suffocated, and overflowing with strong emotions that are begging to be released. Those bottled up thoughts and feelings seem to be bubbling over, asking to be let out? Then do it. Talk about it.  Emotional disclosure can unburden you.  That’s probably the reason why there are several helpful ‘anonymous’ groups and communities which provide you with the time and space to vent out and release your emotions.

While an emotion-oriented approach to stress management does not change the reality of a stressful situation, it can change personal feelings and responses to a stressful experience.

Maybe It’s time for you to talk!

Coping with Stress

Regardless of the degree of suffering you go through because of stress, it is worth taking a measured approach to stress management rather than reaching out to the first available and obvious solution.

There are three different approaches to deal with stress;

• Action-oriented approach
• Emotion-oriented approach
• Acceptance-oriented approach

Let’s look at the first one i.e., the ‘action-oriented approach’

Action-oriented approach where we seek to confront the problem causing the stress, changing the environment or the situation.  When taking action to change a stressful situation, the situation can improve, lowering stress levels. Taking action can also lead to positive feelings of empowerment and control.  Talking of control, you can use the action-oriented approach in dealing with stress only when you have a direct control or power over the situation causing stress in you.

What could be some of the ‘action-oriented’ strategies?

Practicing Assertiveness If you ask me, lack of assertiveness is a major contributor to your stress, not just in your place of work but also in your family and relationships.  If you lack the ability to express or communicate your personal needs, feelings, opinions, and beliefs when interacting with others and are too passive it can cause buildup of stress. Such behavior over prolonged periods can lead to accumulated stress and a feeling of being undervalued.  It will start to affect your self-esteem and you will be unable to withstand social pressures.  When you stay in a passive state for long, it can also lead to aggressive outbursts – something of a passive-aggressive communication behavior.  Some actually start to then practice social withdrawal as a coping mechanism to deal with their lack of assertiveness which in turn further adds up to the stress.

Manage time Whenever there is a talk of ‘stress’, the reference to time cannot be avoided.  Most people experience stress when they start to feel or face the daily dilemma: “there is so much to do and not enough time to do it”.

Time management is an action-oriented approach to help us resolve that dilemma and the resultant stress.

You must realize that it is ‘Time’, not activities, that is the limiting factor. We must make tough choices about what to do and what not to do. Time Management is really self-management. Although time is not adaptable, people are. Managing time means adapting ourselves to its passage in some satisfying manner. It means managing ourselves. If time seems to be out of control, it means that we are out of control. To bring ourselves back under control, we must learn new, more appropriate habits. Habits are the key actionable behaviors to good time management. Good results come from good habits; poor results from poor habits. The important point to remember, though, is that habits are learned behavior. They can be changed. Your habits may control your destiny, but you can control your habits.

If you can get a fair bit of ‘time mastery’ then you will be able to reduce most of the stress which are under your control.  Learn time management.

Delegating If you are a person who finds it difficult to delegate tasks to others then you are surely prone to stress from overload.  There could be many reasons behind your fear to delegate and it’s important to know them as well.  One which I find with most people who do not delegate is there need to feel in ‘complete control’ of the task.  They are also people who feel and increased pressure of controlling the outcome.  They could also be people who are highly conscientious as we discussed in the previous episode on the personality factors which influence stress.  The need for ‘perfectionism’ in every aspect of life can cause immense stress in people.  Add to that the obsession with results or outcome.  If you fear failure, then you wouldn’t take the risk to delegate.

You must realize that when many tasks need attention, it is nearly impossible for one person to complete them all, especially when dealing with a chronic illness or chronic pain. Taking on too many responsibilities can lead to stress. Delegating tasks, such as asking a family member to help with the cooking, asking a coworker to help with part of a project, or even hiring a cleaning service to help around the house, can help reduce stress levels.

Problem solving If it is not clear what action to take in response to a stressful situation, problem-solving steps are going to be helpful. Problem-solving steps may include:

• Acknowledging that there is a problem
• Defining and Describing the problem or stressful situation in detail
• Brainstorming alternative options for improving or solving the problem
• Creating and then executing an action plan

Using an action-oriented approach to stress management may not completely eliminate a stressful situation, but it will likely reduce stress levels.

Managing expectations, commitments and setting boundaries Everyone has limited amounts of time, energy and resources. Managing and clarifying expectations is extremely important in avoiding stress at a later stage in a relationship.  If you do a little bit of introspection, you would find that the cause for most conflicts in relationships and the resultant stress is because of the lack of setting expectations clearly, right at the outset.  The mismatch does not ever help your cause.

You will also find that it is easy to manage your commitments if you had at the outset clarified expectations and gained agreement on the actions to be performed.  Contracting is a great action you can take to care of residual stress.

Setting personal boundaries is another action which can help prevent overextension which leads to stress. Once boundaries are set, it is important to say “no” to requests or activities that go beyond those boundaries. Although it can be difficult to say “no,” it is an essential part of stress management.  Learning assertiveness skills can go a long way in managing within boundaries.

Flexible or Relaxed standards Stress can be self-imposed when personal standards are set too high. A flexible and relaxed personal standard can help reduce stress significantly. Expecting perfection during any task is an impossible goal. For example, cleaning the entire house well enough to pass a white-glove test is unrealistic. A relaxed standard would involve cleaning the most frequently-used rooms in the house so that they are sanitary and relatively clutter-free to promote a safe and calming environment. This relaxed standard is achievable and can go a long way in helping you remain stress free.

Similarly in your workplace, you must be comfortable in changing actions to adapt to newer and evolving situations.  You cannot remain rigid in your plans and take the “my way or the highway” approach to managing your work.  There will be an increasing demand of you to be able to adapt to situations particularly in a VUCA world.

One way is learn analyzing your day and to prioritize based on the 80/20 rule.

Changing habits is the key in any stress management exercise. Some habits are relatively easy to change; others can be extremely difficult. A change in one part of your life often has a direct impact on other parts of your life. Some habits are difficult to change because they are interconnected. A single behavior becomes a cue for another behavior, which in turn may be a cue for still another. In this way, you develop habit sequences that form vigorous modes of patterned behavior.

How long does it take to replace a poor habit with a better habit? Many of your work related habits could be successfully changed in three days to three weeks. In other words, if you consistently practice the new behavior for three weeks, it will become your predominant response pattern. At that point, you have replaced the old habit with a new one. You have to eliminate your self-defeating habits and replace them with self-reinforcing habits.

Some of the actions you could take to change your habits could be to identify the habit which is causing stress; carefully defining the new habit which you wish to practice and then begin with the new habit as strongly as possible – like publishing the habit which you are going to demonstrate to as many people in your environment as you can.

Stress diary are useful for understanding the causes of short-term stress in your life. They also give you an insight into how you react to stress.

The idea behind ‘Stress Diaries’ is that on a regular basis you can write down how stressed you’re feeling, so that you understand these stressors and then manage them. This is important because often these stressors fleet in and out of our minds without getting the attention and focus that they deserve.

As much as helping you capture and understand the most common sources of stress in your life, ‘Stress Diaries’ help you to understand:

• The causes of stress in more detail; and
• How you react to stress, and whether your reactions are appropriate and useful

Using an action-oriented approach to stress management may not completely eliminate a stressful situation, but it will likely reduce stress levels. An action-oriented approach can also be combined with other approaches to stress management i.e., the ‘emotion-oriented approach’ and the ‘acceptance oriented approach’

Personality plays an important role in almost every aspect of the stress and coping process. Our Personality has been linked to the likelihood of experiencing stressful situations, our appraisal of an event as stressful and your likelihood of engaging in certain coping mechanisms, and the effectiveness or outcomes of these coping mechanisms.

Influence of  personality traits on stress and our ability to cope with it.

I would like to emphasize that ‘coping strategies’ for stress cannot be a ‘one size fits all’ method.  It needs thorough individual assessment by a professional.  The objective of this episode is to merely trigger your thoughts and help you in self-reflection.

If you feel that you need a comprehensive assessment of how your personality will influence your ability to cope with stress, you could always write to me directly and I will be glad to help.

One model of personality that has been found particularly useful in understanding coping is the Five-Factor Model, a broad based taxonomy of personality dimensions that arguably represent the ‘‘minimum number of traits’’ needed to describe personality.

These personality traits are Neuroticism (N), Extraversion (E), Openness (O), Agreeableness (A) and Conscientiousness (C). While most of the research has predominantly focused on examining the role of N and E traits of personality in coping strategy, which has limited the study of the other trait influences on stress,

How can the five traits add meaning to our understanding of the stress and coping process?

Neuroticism (N). Individuals high on ‘N’ score on the Big Five scale are prone to experience negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, or anger and tend to be impulsive and self-conscious.

‘N’ has been found to be related to the use of coping strategies that are typically related to poorer outcomes such as an increase in end-of-day distress or increased anger and depression on subsequent days. Those with high scores on ‘N’ also know to be ‘reactive’ usually react emotionally to setbacks and can continue to worry for a long time. They remain focused on problems rather than solutions. Can take criticism from others personally and react to it with irritation. ‘N’ is also known to increase doubts on own abilities when faced with a setback, and can need some time to get oneself back under control.  The rebound time for such people is known to be long and therefore they may show tendencies to stay with their worries for prolonged periods of time.  This increases the chances of ‘stress’.

Those higher on ‘N’ have been found to use more passive or emotion-focused strategies such as escape avoidance, self-blame, wishful thinking, and relaxation, as well as interpersonally antagonistic means of coping such as hostile reactions, catharsis, confrontative coping or interpersonal withdrawal. Typically, they have also been found to report lower levels of problem-focused coping than do those lower on ‘N’ that is those who are ‘resilient’. Research also suggests that even when those higher on ‘N’ use putatively adaptive strategies, such as problem solving, the use of these strategies do not tend to result in positive outcomes. It’s seen that those with high ‘N’ tend to have difficulty managing their own ‘distress’ and so will be less able to deal with the ‘distress’ of those who are close to them.

Extraversion (E). Extraverts have a propensity to experience positive emotions and tend to be sociable, warm, cheerful, energetic, and assertive. As compared to those lower on E, research suggests that those higher on E engage in higher levels of problem-focused coping and employ less maladaptive forms of emotion-focused coping such as self-blame, wishful thinking, and avoidance.

Those with lower levels of ‘E’ known as ‘introverts’ have been known to have a preference to work alone. There serious, quiet and reserved and the predisposition to be business like in their interpersonal transactions makes them susceptible.  Add to their propensity to keep their opinions to themselves increases the chance of suppressing negative emotions which in turn could add to stress.

Individuals higher on E tend to use more adaptive forms of emotion-focused coping such as support seeking, positive thinking or reinterpretation, and substitution and restraint. While not all the findings regarding the role of E in coping have been consistent, several studies have shown high levels of ‘E’ positively associated with a variety of emotion-focused coping with interpersonal stress.  It has also shown to hold constant effect on other big five personality traits.

Openness (O). Those high on ‘O’ tend to be creative, imaginative, curious, psychologically minded, and flexible in their thinking. They are likely to experience a diversity of emotions, to have broad interests and a preference for variety, and to hold unconventional values.

Individuals with low scores on ‘O’ generally prefer the status quo to innovation, and simplicity to complexity. They seldom come up with new ideas or working methods, but stick to what has proven itself. They are predisposed to derive opinions from others.  When people with low levels of ‘O’ are confronted with rapidly changing circumstances which demand of them openness to newer experiences they might experience ‘stress’.  The way they would try to cope is by following conservative approaches, risk avoidance, maintaining status-quo and preferring not to rock-the-boat.  They would align with common opinions and avoid unnecessary stress of conflict.

The evidence for those with higher levels of  ‘O’ suggests they are more likely to employ humor in coping, to engage in positive re-appraisal and to think about or plan their coping.

Further, evidence suggests they are less likely to rely on faith and that they tend to respond empathically to close family members and friends even during times of stress. This latter finding has been interpreted to suggest that they are open to both their own feelings as well as to the feelings of others.

However, some studies have found no significant relations between ‘O’ and coping and others have found O to be only a weak predictor of coping.

Agreeableness (A). Those high on ‘A’ tend to be altruistic, acquiescent, trusting and helpful.  They carefully safeguard the needs and interests of others, often at the expense of their own interests. Usually people with high ‘A’ give-in rather than ending up in discussions or conflicts. They downplay the importance of their own accomplishments.  They are known to trust the word of others as long as there is no evidence to the contrary. They are careful to take into account other people’s reactions.

As opposed to those with low ‘A’, the one’s with higher ‘A’ and their propensity to keep others interests above their own might move towards building a ‘General Adaptive Syndrome’ in the long term.  Their anxiety to keep their interpersonal relationships intact makes them compromise more often leading to long term stress.

However, consistent with models of ‘A’, individuals higher on ‘A’ are more likely to cope in ways that engage or protect social relationships such as seeking support and avoiding confrontation. They appear less likely to employ emotion focused coping strategies such as self-blame, avoidance, wishful thinking, or disengagement as compared to those lower on ‘A’. Further, those higher on ‘A’ tend to use positive reappraisal and planful problem solving.

Conscientiousness (C). Those higher on C tend to be organized, reliable, hardworking, determined, and self-disciplined. Little research has examined the role of ‘C’ in coping, and the few studies that have been done have not always been consistent in their findings. In at least some studies, however, C has been found to be a strong predictor of coping styles. Along with N, C was a strong predictor of coping and has been found to be related to the use of more active, problem-focused strategies, such as planning, problem solving, positive reappraisal, and suppression of competing activities. Those higher on C are less likely to engage in avoidant, emotion-focused coping strategies such as self-blame  or distraction or disengagement.

While this being the case, some facets of high levels of ‘C’ in people like ‘perfectionism’ and ‘excessive’ result driven approach tends to adversely impact their ability to cope with stress.   The linear approach to solving problems are inability to be flexible and adaptable can lead to irritability and anger in a highly volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous world.

While almost all traits of the Big Five personality model i.e, Neuroticism, Extraversion, Openness, Agreeableness and Conscientiousness have some influence in triggering stress and your ability to cope; most studies have found that high levels of ‘N’ and ‘C’ have a lot to do with stressors in life.

If you feel that you need a comprehensive assessment of how your personality will influence your ability to cope with stress, you could always write to me directly and I will be glad to help.

Disclaimer: Please be advised that this blog is in no way a substitute for medical advice. If you suspect that you are prone to stress-related illness, or if you are in any doubt about the state of your health, you should take appropriate medical or professional advice immediately.

Your nervous system isn’t very good at distinguishing between emotional and physical threats. If you’re super stressed over an argument with someone who you are close to, a work deadline, loan to repay, or a mountain of bills, your body can react just as strongly as if you’re facing a true life-or-death situation.

And the more your fight or flight stress response system is activated, the easier it becomes to trigger, making it harder to shut off.

If you are a person who tends to get stressed out frequently, like many of us in today’s VUCA (Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous) world, your body may exist in a heightened state of stress most of the time.

This can lead to serious health problems. Chronic stress disrupts nearly every system in your body. It can suppress your immune system, upset your digestive and reproductive systems, increase the risk of heart attack and stroke, and speed up the aging process.

It can even leave you more vulnerable to anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems.

Mostly the talk around stress is about the negative consequences and how it impacts our physical and mental health.   This leads us to believe that all ‘stress’ is bad. This is not true!

There is something called ‘positive stress’ which is also known as ‘Eustress’.

Eustress is something which helps you get motivated and focuses your energy towards higher levels of performance. This is similar to the stress a sprinter feels before a 100m dash.  It is short-term and gets your adrenaline pumped. Eustress is also something which accompanies a belief that you have the necessary skill sets, knowledge and coping ability for achievement. When you have positive stress, you are excited about doing something.  For example, pursuing something which you are passionate about, like adventure sports or even some art forms.

Some examples of eustress include things like; taking a vacation, buying a new property, first day of joining a job, marriage, birth of a child, receiving an award or recognition, and the opportunity to take up a hobby.

For me personally, I go through eustress symptoms just before I address a large gathering, before publishing my blog or podcast.  It primes me to plan, prepare and present in the best possible way I can.

Eustress and the state of “Flow”

When you are operating in your “area of best performance”, you are normally able to concentrate, and focus all of your attention on the important task at hand. When you do this without distraction, you often enter what Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, describes as a state of ‘flow’.

This involves “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost”.

You perform at your best in this state because you are able to focus all of your efforts, resources and abilities on the tasks at hand. While you are sufficiently motivated to resist competing temptations, you are not so stressed with anxieties and distractions that interfere with clear thought.

This is an intensely creative, efficient and satisfying state of mind. It is the state of mind in which, for example, the most persuasive speeches are made, the best software is developed, and the most impressive athletic or artistic performances are delivered.

However, frequent and prolonged period of stressful situations may adversely affect your health.  This is what we call the negative stress or a state of ‘distress’

Let’s start by looking at some of the health problems which are caused or intensified by stress.  While there are many physical manifestations of distress which we would have experienced like, aches and pains, lack of sleep, digestive problems, skin conditions and cardio-vascular disease; I would like to focus more on the cognitive and emotional symptoms of distress.

While many of us think and choose to believe that we know a lot about stress and how to go about coping with it, we must care to re-evaluate and learn more.

The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar, even normal. You don’t notice how much it’s affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll. That’s why it’s important to be aware of the common warning signs and symptoms of distress.

There are three types of distress symptoms that you may experience, the cognitive type, the emotional type and the behavioral type.

The cognitive type of distress symptoms could include things like inability to concentrate, memory problems, poor judgment of situations, seeing only the negative, constant fear or worry and incoherent thought process.

The emotional distress symptoms could include generally finding yourself unhappy about life, anxiety and agitation, frequent mood swings, feeling lonely, irritability and angry outbursts.

The behavioral symptoms of distress affects your behavior and you may experience symptoms like social withdrawal, eating more or less, avoiding work or procrastinating, not taking up responsibilities, nervous habits like nail biting, pacing up and down without any purpose, using stimulants like drugs, alcohol, smoking, excessive caffeine etc.

What causes stress?

We usually think of stressors as being negative, such as an exhausting work schedule or a rocky relationship. However, anything that puts high demands on you can be stressful. This includes positive events such as getting married, buying a new home, graduating from college, or receiving a recognition or reward.

However, not all stress may be caused by such external factors or events. Stress can also be internal or self-created.  Internal stressors could be like, when you worry excessively about something that may or may not happen, or have irrational and pessimistic thoughts about life.

What causes stress depends, at least in part, on your perception of it.

Something that’s stressful to you may not faze someone else; they may even enjoy it. While some of us are terrified of speaking before a group while, others live for the spotlight. Where one person thrives under pressure and performs best in the face of a tight deadline, another will shut down when work demands increase. We also find that while some enjoy the responsibility of helping and caring for elderly parents, some may find the demands of caretaking overwhelming and at times stressful.

Some of the major external events for causing stress are relationship issues, job or work related, committing to more than what is realistically possible, children and family, financial problems or sudden life changing experiences like loss of a loved one etc.

Internal causes of stress could be pessimism and excessive and negative self-talk, perfectionism, inability to accept uncertainties, lack of flexibility and rigidity of thoughts, unrealistic expectations and frequent comparisons with others.

You must know that whatever event or situation is stressing you out, there are ways of coping with the problem and regaining your balance.

However, it is important for you to spend some time and reflect on the factors which are causing stress in you, learn to identify some of the symptoms we talked about, and stop living in denial of the one’s which are affecting you negatively or distressful.

I recommend keeping a ‘Stress Diary’ which you can use to keep a log of situations which cause you to stress out daily.  You will be surprised at the benefits.  You will start to feel a sense of control.

It’s time you took stress seriously!

Stress – it’s a matter of judgment!

When we talk about ‘stress’ everyone claims or seems to have an idea of ‘what it is?’ and how to identify and cope with it?

The biggest challenge is of ‘acceptance’.  People live in denial sometimes for years on end.  By the time they realize that they are having issues with ‘stress’ it would have already taken a toll on their mental and physical health.

In the current context of a global lockdown because of the corona virus pandemic and the ‘stress’ it is placing on people, I thought it is a good idea to explore what stress is and re-evaluate some of our definitions.

How stressed someone feels depends on how much damage they think the situation can do them, and how closely their resources meet the demands of the situation. This sense of threat is rarely physical. It may, for example, involve perceived threats to our social standing, to other people’s opinions of us, to our career prospects or to our own deeply held values.

In becoming stressed, people must therefore make two main judgments: firstly they must feel threatened by the situation, and secondly they must doubt that their capabilities and resources are sufficient to meet the threat.

Just as with real threats to our survival, these perceived threats trigger the hormonal fight-or-flight response, with all of its negative consequences.

Stress management – and you think you know what it is?

There have been many different definitions of what stress is, whether used by psychologists, medics, management consultants or others. There seems to have been something approaching open warfare between competing definitions.  Views have been passionately held and aggressively defended.

What complicates the matter is that intuitively we all feel that we know what stress is, as it is something we have all experienced. A definition should therefore be obvious…except that it is not.

Problems arising out of Definition

One problem with a single definition is that stress is made up of many things: It is a family of related experiences, pathways, responses and outcomes caused by a range of different events or circumstances. Different people experience different aspects and identify with different definitions.

Hans Selye (one of the founding fathers of stress research) identified another part of this problem when he saw that different types of definition operate in different areas of knowledge. To a lawyer or a linguist, words have very precise, definite and fixed meanings. In other fields, ideas and definitions continue evolving as research and knowledge expands.

Selye’s view in 1936 was that “stress is not necessarily something bad – it all depends on how you take it. The stress of exhilarating, creative successful work is beneficial, while that of failure, humiliation or infection is detrimental.” Selye believed that the biochemical effects of stress would be experienced irrespective of whether the situation was positive or negative.

Since then, ideas have moved on. In particular, the harmful biochemical and long-term effects of stress have rarely been observed in positive situations.

What then is the consensus?

The most commonly accepted definition of stress (mainly attributed to Richard S Lazarus) is that “stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.”

People feel little stress when they have the time, experience and resources to manage a situation. They feel great stress when they think they can’t handle the demands put upon them. Stress is therefore a negative experience. And it is not an inevitable consequence of an event. It depends a lot on people’s perceptions of a situation and their real ability to cope with it.

This is the main definition we use now, although we also recognize that there is an intertwined instinctive stress response to unexpected events. The stress response inside us is therefore part instinct and part to do with the way we think.

Stress – The Underlying Mechanisms…

There are two types of instinctive stress response that are important to how we understand stress and stress management: the short-term “Fight-or-Flight” response and the long-term “General Adaptation Syndrome”. The first is a basic survival instinct, while the second is a long-term effect of exposure to stress.

A third mechanism comes from “the way that we think” and interpret the situations in which we find ourselves.

Actually, these three mechanisms can be part of the same stress response. Let’s look at them separately, and then see how they can fit together.

“Fight-or-Flight”

Some of the early work on stress (conducted by Walter Cannon in 1932) established the existence of the well-known fight-or-flight response. His work showed that when an animal experiences a shock or perceives a threat, it quickly releases hormones that help it to survive.

These hormones help us to run faster and fight harder. They increase heart rate and blood pressure, delivering more oxygen and blood sugar to power important muscles. They increase sweating in an effort to cool these muscles, and help them stay efficient. They divert blood away from the skin to the core of our bodies, reducing blood loss if we are damaged. And as well as this, these hormones focus our attention on the threat, to the exclusion of everything else. All of this significantly improves our ability to survive life-threatening events.

Have power, but little control…

Unfortunately, this mobilization of the body for survival also has negative consequences. In this state, we are excitable, anxious, jumpy and irritable. This reduces our ability to work effectively with other people.

With trembling and a pounding heart, we can find it difficult to execute precise, controlled skills. And the intensity of our focus on survival interferes with our ability to make fine judgments based on drawing information from many sources. We find ourselves more accident-prone and less able to make good decisions.

It is easy to think that this fight-or-flight, or adrenaline, response is only triggered by obviously life-threatening danger. On the contrary, recent research shows that we experience the fight-or-flight response when simply encountering something unexpected.

The situation does not have to be dramatic People experience this response when frustrated or interrupted, or when they experience a situation that is new or in some way challenging. This hormonal, fight-or-flight response is a normal part of everyday life and a part of everyday stress, although often with an intensity that is so low that we do not notice it.

There are very few situations in modern working life where this response is useful. Most situations benefit from a calm, rational, controlled and socially sensitive approach.

The “General Adaptation Syndrome” and Burnout

Hans Selye took a different approach from Cannon. Starting with the observation that different diseases and injuries to the body seemed to cause the same symptoms in patients, he identified a general response (the “General Adaptation Syndrome”) with which the body reacts to a major stimulus. While the Fight-or-Flight response works in the very short term, the General Adaptation Syndrome operates in response to longer-term exposure to causes of stress.

Selye identified that when pushed to extremes, animals reacted in three stages:

1. First, in the Alarm Phase, they reacted to the stressor.
2. Next, in the Resistance Phase, the resistance to the stressor increased as the animal adapted to, and coped with, it. This phase lasted for as long as the animal could support this heightened resistance.
3. Finally, once resistance was exhausted, the animal entered the Exhaustion Phase, and resistance declined substantially.

Selye established this with many hundreds of experiments performed on laboratory rats. However, he also quoted research during World War II with bomber pilots. Once they had completed a few missions over enemy territory, these pilots usually settled down and performed well. After many missions, however, pilot fatigue would set in as they began to show “neurotic manifestations”.

In the business environment, this exhaustion is seen in “burnout”. The classic example comes from the Wall Street trading floor: by most people’s standards, life on a trading floor is stressful. Traders learn to adapt to the daily stressors of making big financial decisions, and of winning and losing large sums of money. In many cases, however, these stresses increase and fatigue starts to set in.

At the same time, as traders become successful and earn more and more money, their financial motivation to succeed can diminish. Ultimately, many traders experience burnout.

Stress and the way we think

Particularly in normal working life, much of our stress is subtle and occurs without obvious threat to survival. Most comes from things like work overload, conflicting priorities, inconsistent values, over-challenging deadlines, conflict with co-workers, unpleasant environments and so on. Not only do these reduce our performance as we divert mental effort into handling them, they can also cause a great deal of unhappiness.

We’ve already seen that the most common currently accepted definition of stress is something that is experienced when a person perceives that “demands exceed the personal and social resources an individual is able to mobilize.”

The integrated stress response…

We are normally inclined to believe the “Fight-or-Flight” response, the “General Adaptation Syndrome”, and our “mental responses” to stress as separate mechanisms.

In fact, they can fit together into one response.

We can therefore see that mental stress triggers the fight-or-flight response, and that if this stress is sustained for a long time, the end result might be exhaustion and burnout.