Relationship

Why are people ‘stingy’ in their praise?

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Why are people ‘stingy’ in their praise?

It’s often very easy for people to be ‘critical’ of others.  At the same time I find that people are very ‘stingy’ in their praise’.

PraiseWhat makes them this way?  Is it that they do not find themselves worthy of such praise?; or Is it that they feel that it will make the other complacent? or is it that they feel it will give the others a feeling of superiority? or simply we have been told from childhood that the only way to help and improve people is by ‘critical’ evaluation.

Whatever be the reason, I feel that a ‘praise’ or little ‘compliment’ goes a long way in making the day for others.  Instead of making them complacent, it surely will make them more ‘responsible’ in living up to the expectation of the person giving them that praise.  In fact every human looks for a daily does of praise which will keep him motivated and feeling worthy of his life.

Do not lie? Don’t you look for some yourself?  Don’t you feel delighted within when you receive praise?

Then why is it that you find it hard to dish out some ‘praise’ to others?

Don’t be stingy – give some praise!

I am looking for some from you as well 🙂

Is your life on ‘Auto Pilot’?

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Most people don’t usually take control of that moment: too often we react instantly, automatically, impulsively. This is a huge reason wrong thinking occurs.

AutopilotI’m not talking about identifying objects, I’m talking about assigning meaning to experiences or observations—often incorrectly.

For instance: someone makes a comment about you, and you interpret the comment as an attack. You begin defending yourself, and in the ensuing interaction, harsh words are spoken, maybe even worse. I’ve experienced this phenomenon many times, on both the giving and receiving end of the error.

Or maybe you see someone at work, or on the street, and you automatically form an impression about that person in your mind, which may bear no relation to who they really are;

Or you read a post in a forum, and you create this story in your mind about another person, without having any idea what’s actually going on in their life;

Or you’re thinking about something someone said yesterday, and you decide “that must mean she doesn’t like me,” and then all your ensuing thoughts proceed along that assumption, though it may not be true;

Or you hear a rumor about some guy cheating on his wife, and you instantly form a judgment about the guy, though there’s no proof he actually did it yet;

Such examples pop up all day, every day, everywhere. Snap-judgments, knee-jerk reactions. Mental habits, thought-patterns. “Automatic pilot” thinking.

Like the man on the bus with the kids jumping around and screaming, and you’re thinking how inconsiderate it is, and you ask him to please rein his kids in; and he apologizes and explains that their mother died that day, and they don’t know how to handle their loss; and you feel awful.

In the moment after the phenomenon occurs, we have an opportunity, before our automatic judgment or evaluation kicks in: we can pause a moment, deliberately choose to exercise right thinking, and ask ourselves: is this really true, or is it just some story I instantly created? Is my idea of this person reality, or is it just a fabrication of my mind?

Why not practice ‘Observing without Evaluating?  Going through experiences without labelling them.

While being on ‘Auto Pilot’ is a necessary condition for most of our day-to-day actions, when it gets in the way of our personal growth it is time to take control.

This is particularly required to improve the quality of your relationships.

Are you ready?

How ‘labelling’ destroys your life and Self-awareness’?

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Labelling comes with a huge cost; the cost of pre-defined boundaries, prejudices, stereotypes and more importantly your inability to become more self-aware.

limiting-labels

Right from the time you are born to death ‘labels’ follow you all along and these somehow start to guide or misguide your life.  Precisely the reason most are not completely satisfied with the way they lead their life or it currently is.

Let me explain this with a few examples.  As a child when you are labeled as a ‘brat’ most people around you tend to expect a certain brashness in your behavior and in every action of yours they see a little bit of it.  Repeatedly then name-calling you or terming you that way you start to believe that indeed you are one and continue to rebel against this.  The more you rebel to get to your core identity the more you are labeled and this cyclic process is what you get caught in.

There are innumerable examples like this.  The moment you see a bird which has already been labeled a ‘parrot’, ‘peacock’, ‘woodpecker’ a ‘crow’ an ‘owl’ a ‘vulture, you stop seeing the real beauty of its flight, its color, its character.  So much so that you stop observing.  It ends up just as a tick mark that you spotted a ‘labeled’ bird.

The list of such labelling can go on and on including sensitive ideas like ‘god’, ‘satan’, ‘secular’, ‘communal’, ‘democrat’ and ‘republic’.

The reason I raise this topic for discussion is to ask you this “Did you become self-aware of the several labels you came across in your life?”  “Was it a pre-defined one?”  “How has it impacted you?”

Is it true about yourself?  What have been the labels given to you/on you?

Did you ‘label’ this article in your mind even before you started reading?  What impact/influence did it have?  Did you try to be more aware of the questions I am trying to raise?

Only when you take off the ‘labels’ will you truly enjoy in complete awareness.

Acceptance – a way to build great relationships

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‘Acceptance’ is one behavior which can go a long way in not only building great relationships, it can provide you ‘self’  with immense satisfaction and happiness.

acceptance-road-sign biggest stressor for people in their life is their inability to accept themselves for who they are and to accept others for who they are.  This leads to tremendous conflict within self.

Whenever you are stressed out or angry in a relationship, just pause for a moment and think if your inability to ‘accept’ is coming in the way.  You will find your answers.

Let me provide you with some behaviors which can help you lead a more stress free life;

  • Accepting that people are different and unique
  • Accepting that people do not necessarily see the world the way you see
  • Accepting the fact that you cannot expect others to be the way you are
  • Accepting the power and right of others to make their choices
  • Accepting the right of others to disagree with you

you can add more of your own….

By now I hope you are willing to ‘accept’ what I am trying to say?