The world today is in the grip of ‘FEAR’ and its making people go out of balance a bit.  I thought it will be a great opportunity to reflect on the dimension of ‘fear’ and how it impacts our life.

Is there something we can do about it? Or Should we?

Self-isolation and social distancing is increasingly giving rise to a feeling of loneliness in people and feeding ‘wild imagination’.  People are imagining the worst for themselves and the world outside.

However, I feel that most of what we fear isn’t going to happen anyway.  Our fears are usually not related to what really happens to us.  Much of what life hands us comes without the prelude of fear and worry.  Our fears don’t stop death, they stop life.  More than we care to admit and more than we even know, our lives are completely devoted to dealing with fear and its effects.  It’s a shadow which blocks everything – love, feelings, happiness and our very be-ing.

When the dangers are unknown and you seemingly imagine that it is lurking around the corner, you will be gripped with fear.  It is like walking in a thick jungle where you constantly are imagining some predator who is out to get you.  It sucks the life out of you.

We give so much energy to the fear factor right from early childhood that we see only fear in the future.  Our culture sells fear.  If you watch TV commercials or programs you will find that almost every 5 minutes reminds you of the dangers lurking around you.  How the food you are eating is dangerous for your health; how the water you drink could kill you; how your jobs can be taken away and the list is endless.  It is fear that keeps selling; so much so that people have become so conscious to the extent of paranoia about what the eat, where they sleep, when they wake up and so on.  But the reality is that what we eat is safe and has got you so far, you will sleep when your body demands of you some rest and you will be awake when you have got enough rest.  Most of the so called ‘fear’ could be the result of your imagination.

Why then do you think Insurance companies confidently bet on the fact that disaster will never happen to us and they earn billions of dollar cause of that.  The point I am making is not that we shouldn’t have insurance, but the fact that we might as well have some fun playing outdoor sports, going on some adventure and seek out to do things which makes us happy.

Yet most of us live as if the odds are stacked up against us.

The point is that we are afraid of many things in life, such as public speaking, asking someone for a date or even admitting we are lonely sometimes.  In many cases we find it easier not to try rather than to be rejected and having to deal with the feelings underneath.

Fears are tricky indeed because they are so well layered, one on top of the other.  You can peel away until you get down to the bottom or foundation on which all others rest.  And that’s usually the fear of death.

For example; suppose you are afraid to ask someone out on a date; beneath that fear is the fear of rejection, and underneath that is the fear that there won’t be someone for you.  Underneath that is the fear that you are not lovable and if you are not loved can you possibly survive?  When people have inadequacies the bottom most fear is “I’m not enough”

If you have been with someone who was dying, you would notice that after a point they no longer have fear.  They prefer to do things which they always wanted to.  Speak or meet someone of their dreams, go out and risk some adventure, not bother about what others think about them.  In my own experience, I’ve seen up close some dear one’s on the verge of dying and they are able to smile more than the care-givers.

If you could literally reach into your fears – every one of them and remove all of them – how different would be your life?  It will help you to see a different life that is possible.

Happiness, anxiety, joy, resentment, we have so many words for the many emotions we experience; but deep down at the core there are only two emotions – Love and Fear.

All positive emotions come from ‘Love’ and all negative emotions come from ‘Fear’.  And mind you, you cannot feel these two emotions at the same time.  They are opposites.  If you are afraid or ‘fearful’ you are not in a place of love.  When you are in space of love you cannot be in the place of fear.

We have to make a decision to be in one place or the other, there is no neutrality.  You have to actively choose ‘love’ over ‘fear’ in order to have a good life.

You must remember, only ‘Love’ is in the moment and in the present.  ‘Fears’ involve either the past or the future.  ‘Fear’ always has a foundation of the past and causes us to imagine what may happen in the future.

To live in the present, then is to live in ‘LOVE’, not fear.  We can work towards that goal by learning to love ourselves.  Infusing ourselves with love begins to wash away our fears.

Remember, “FEAR STOPS LIFE”!  Make your choice.

One thing people want to keep to themselves and work towards attaining is ‘power’.  Whenever people feel threatened that their power is being taken away from them, they react ever so violently and resist all advances into their territory.

This is applicable in any area of life, your work, relationships, governance et al.

Let me put this in perspective.  In India when the Prime Minister appealed to the nation for one day of self-isolation with a self-imposed curfew, the whole nation followed his advice and made that day a success.  People were requested and not threatened with control.  The request fed into the people’s inherent desire to exercise control over their lives; their choices and they did what was good for them.

At the same time when the very next day, control measures were put in place and the government started to pass rules and imposed stringent measures to stop people from moving out, you saw that more number of people defying the orders.  In some places it was just not controllable with hundreds and thousands of people coming out on the streets without any concern of the community spread of the #coronavirus.  What was this, I wondered?  Come to think of it, is it not a way of expressing an inherent desire to exercise power?  Is it their need to still feel in control of their lives?

No one likes being controlled and will resist tooth and nail any attempts to do so.  People despise the act of aggression by others and history has taught them abundant lessons on the negative effects of control; so they are conditioned that way.

So what then is an alternative?  ‘Empower’ is what I feel the way to go.  As on day one of the “People’s Curfew” which empowered people to make their choices, there is a need to create conditions which enables people.  To make their own choice and feel that they are still in control.  Empowering communities, people and families will possibly an effective alternative to government policing, controlling and monitoring.

Yes, it might look dangerous and fraught with the risk of getting out of control and a potential outbreak, but ‘Empowerment’ does come with the risk but the rewards can be manifold.

Remember, people just don’t like their power to be taken away!

It’s a leadership lesson worth learning during this time.

What else can a leader do to ease the pressure during stressful times?

“Pa I wonder whether it was worth all the effort I put in becoming a Doctor?”  asked my Son.  This came out of the blue and after I saw him pondering with a prolonged silence.

I knew something was hurting and wanted to know what made him say this after over 5 years of hardwork; burning the midnight oil studying medicine; and high levels of stress which go with the profession.

It started with the sight of some of his colleagues being evicted from their rented accommodation and some being asked to vacate the hostels due to fear that as Doctors they may be the carriers of the dreaded Corona Virus.  All of a sudden, the very medical health professionals for whom apparently the whole nation ‘clapped’ were being ‘ostracized’ and it seemed all so ‘hypocritical’ of the society.  He was angry.  “Do you think they really care?  These guys just want a piece of glory by posting their acts of gratitude on social media; that’s it” he said in anger.  How else would you explain such a behavior from property owners.

The news that people were roaming the streets without self-quarantining; those who had a travel history not willing to reveal themselves and get tested; health care professionals being beaten up for traveling to their place of work; hospital informing them that they have to make their own arrangements of ‘safety gear’ like masks, gloves, sanitizers etc. have all been so depressing for him.

A general apathy right around makes him feel that it was not worth all the effort.  The fact that he has to face such idiots who are not willing to follow established protocols makes him angry; and why not?  He should be angry.

What’s the point in blaming the government and the officials who have been pleading with the people to observe social distancing, self-quarantining and safe living practices when such idiots abound.  Coupled with that people who have been hoarding as if there is no tomorrow.  So much so that people have ended up buying all the masks and tissues etc. which would have been of help to the health care professionals who are risking so much for the people.

I feel sad and do not have answers of motivation.  What with evidence pointing to the contrary!

WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT?  I WONDER MYSELF!

What do you think should be my answer?  How do I keep him motivated?

HOW WOULD YOU DEAL WITH “OSTRACISATION” ?

Social distancing is being advocated widely and rightly so, as contact is becoming the single most important factor in the spread of the new ‘Corona-Virus’ disease worldwide.

We need to be prepared for the fall-out.  It’s not just the virus we need to eliminate but also the post-traumatic effects of social distancing and isolation which the quarantined people need to face post recovery.  We are already finding that people are resistant to follow the directives and self-isolate or quarantine.  In India we are still finding effected people travelling, escaping from isolation wards without paying heed to the government and Doctors advice on prevention and cure.

Four people who were stamped for 14 day quarantine by the medical health department had to be de-boarded after they got on to a train full of passengers.  Gripped with fear, people are hoarding and stocks are quickly disappearing from the shelves.  Some don’t want to be seen as the people affected by the new virus therefore avoiding medical checks when showing symptoms.

I was wondering, what is making people behave this way?

Fear from ‘isolation’ and ‘social distancing’ can have its effects on the mind and body. But why is isolation so difficult for humans to withstand?

One of the reasons that living in isolation is difficult is because humans are social creatures. Many people that have lived in isolated environments – such as researchers stationed in Antarctica – report that loneliness can be the most difficult part of the job.

Adventurers who go on solo sailing trips around the world, said that loneliness was what they suffered from most and most difficult to deal with than the elements of nature.

Loneliness can be damaging to both our mental and physical health. Socially isolated people are less able to deal with stressful situations.

They’re also more likely to feel depressed and may have problems processing information. This in turn can lead to difficulties with decision-making and memory storage and recall.

People who are lonely are also more susceptible to illness. Researchers found that a lonely person’s immune system responds differently to fighting viruses, making them more likely to develop an illness.

The impacts of social isolation become worse when people are placed in physically isolating environments. For example, solitary confinement can have negative psychological effects on prisoners – including significant increases in anxiety and panic attacks, increased levels of paranoia, and being less able to think clearly.

Prisoners have reported long-term mental health problems after being held in isolation.

People placed in isolation may also experience hallucinations. The lack of stimuli causes people to attribute their internal thoughts and feelings as occurring in the real world outside of the quarantined environment. They may start to imagine things and start to experience fear and paranoia about the eventualities. However, some people who have been held in social isolation against their will may develop long-term mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

What can we do?

We know that connecting with other humans can reduce loneliness and help restore us to good mental and physical health. Therefore it is important that we not just handle the crisis of the corona virus pandemic medically but also mentally.

• Providing counseling helpline numbers for self-quarantined people
• Providing authentic / certified news to people so that they are not misguided in the time of extreme mental stress
• Providing for mental health professionals alongside Doctors to work with the effected people and hand-hold them along the tough journey
• Temporary suspension of ‘Group chat’; ‘Forwarding’; on social media apps to avoid spread of misinformation. Any post which uses ‘forward’ button or ‘copy-paste’ must be blocked.  (though this seems extreme but maybe put to use to help the people and the families of those who are going through the quarantine process)
• Community briefing sessions by medical health professionals on prevention and cure. It cannot be just generic media publicity and then pray that people understand.  Close face to face contact is what will help explain the whole process to the general population.

There could be many more we could think of.  Importantly, let’s gear up for  not just the physical fallout of the pandemic but the mental fall out as well.

I’ve seen some great initiatives by some of my wonderful friends from the network who have used #talktome as a way of helping people who feel isolated at home during the quarantine period.

What are your ideas?  Please share in the comments and let’s help as many as possible. 

Shout out to the Mental health and Medical professionals in my network.