What happened to the time? When we are busy in our day-to-day lives, it sometimes seems that whole seasons pass in a blink. And the goals we have…well, they can easily slip by in that blur too. You want to WAKE UP: to get control of your time and meet your goals. But how?

In coaching, we sometimes talk about our lives being in the process. That is, our lives are constantly flowing forward over and around the highs and lows of our everyday experiences, like a river. As humans we often try to minimize those ups and downs: We plan for the future, we dwell on the past and thus avoid experiencing the emotion at this present moment. As a result, we dampen our aliveness and sort of zone out. No wonder we suddenly “wake up” to realize minutes, even days or weeks, have passed us by!

Have you ever had the experience of driving a car only to find yourself suddenly at your destination? Where have you been? Not present, that’s for sure! But really, what does it mean to be present in your day-to-day life?

It’s quite challenging to focus all your attention on this moment. Try it: As you are reading these words, slow down. Experience the action of reading one word at a time. What sounds do you hear in the room around you? How comfortable are you? How are you breathing? Recognize that you are alive, right now, in this moment. What was that like for you?

Here’s another experiment. Go ahead and laugh – – but try this anyway. It may give you a whole new way to be in the moment: As you go through your day, ask yourself: Where’s my butt? On a chair? Against a wall? Walking past the consignment shop on Main Street? Crazy as it sounds; it is very difficult not to be present when you’re trying to figure out where your rump is!

OK! Now you’ve tried rump awareness and have probably heard all kinds of other advice for becoming present at the moment – breathing, mindfulness, meditation, and so forth. Now broaden the concept: how can you stay present and focused on a project or goal in your life? Select a theme.

Here’s how it works: As an example, my theme for my business this year is “fun and inspired action.” This theme serves as a filter. Each month, I review my business goals through the lens of my theme and prioritize those that will be the most fun and give me and my clients the most inspiration. Brainstorming projects to undertake, I look for those that best match my theme. My theme gives me a sense of exploration when choosing new opportunities. FUN!

A client of mine has a theme for the month in regard to his job search: Action! Driven by action he’s got some aggressive goals for landing job interviews. In every step he takes he asks himself, “does this forward my action toward my goals?” You should see the guy – he’s on fire!

What is YOUR theme? It’s time for you to wake up and be on fire too!

Working women would definitely relate to this one! and the men too…

Have you ever found that going on a dream vacation and coming back refreshed and ready to take on the world once again is sort of a myth?

You are not alone!

Moving back from seeing the extraordinary comforts of someone cleaning up our rooms, and making beds every day to doing endless loads of laundry to meeting workplace deadlines can be a wake-up call.

The reality of what lies ahead of us in our “real life” is intimidating, to say the least.

I find that many of us struggle to reconcile our desire to do great work and be a great spouse/parent/daughter/friend. We might in the name of work-life balance aim for perfection in every area and fall short, sometimes spectacularly so, and on a regular basis.

Work is not only the creative outlet we so desperately seek, but it helps us support our family in a meaningful way.

As a working parent, you would have experienced the fact that every minute you spend at work is the time you are not spending with your kids and family, and there is a certain amount of guilt and frustration that comes with that reality.

Work from home as many would have thought would bring in the much-needed balance in their life ended up being no more than a ‘mirage’.  Being surrounded by noisy kids, elders, and family, in general, demanding your attention has been draining, to say the least for many. 

For working women, possibly the time away from home and the commute to the office would have been such a welcome break daily was suddenly taken away.  They seem to be now the first and the last to get in and out of bed, what with massive amounts of laundry, meals to be made, floors to be kept clean, making beds for others and the chores are endless.  This has not changed much as even for those who have had house help handy.  Supervising them and getting all of it done would have been more frustrating than managing employees and/or colleagues at work.

Many I know of have done away with such help as they always felt that the work done was not according to the standards that they have in mind. 

This problem was accentuated for all those who have ‘Perfectionism’ as a personality trait.  It is starting to take a toll on their physical and mental wellness.

It is also resulting in increased levels of absenteeism at work leading to piling up work and stress.

Do you ever experience a day where you feel as if you have provided your kids with the love and attention they require, in addition to delivering excellent work and getting some time alone to unwind and recharge? The answer may actually, be a no.

On numerous occasions, one or two of the topics have been addressed while the others have been neglected. More often than you’d like, you would have found yourself losing your temper with children, and possibly have trouble concentrating fully on your work.

I frequently get the impression that we could never realistically attain decompression and recharge.

The hardest lesson in all this is to learn on this quest for balance is that you can’t be flawless. The true fallacy is that balance is a kind of perfection in and of itself.

Giving 100% to everything all the time is out of balance; you need to take from some areas and contribute to others to balance them. That has been a hard truth for most to accept.

Can you truly achieve the elusive work-life balance?  Is it a mirage that you have been chasing?

One way I have been able to get a semblance of balance is to not expect a perfect life.  I would like to take life as a continuous journey where I am able to soak in the experiences as they come along.  The breaks for me are just pitstops to cool the engine down and not as another means to goals like having a bucket list (aka to-do list) as some would have it.

Balance can be achieved by doing nothing – a sort of ‘stillness’.  It is like the handheld weighing scale held by the street vendor.  He has to hold it ‘still’ to get the measurements right.

There could be many more ways to understand whether you truly can accomplish the so-called work-life balance or what could be potentially coming in your way of dealing with this mirage.

Becoming self-aware and understanding what in your inherent nature/trait contributes to your sense of well-being and of the environment you live in.

By the way, it’s not just the working women but men too who have been at the receiving end of this elusive mirage.

DM me for a self-assessment if you are one among many who seek balance!

Up to 70 odd percent of people make new year’s resolutions to improve their lives. Some of the most common goals for people are fitness, diet and nutrition, quitting the smoking habit, and finances. A vast majority of people claim they are doing well with these resolutions – but how successful are you?

Even after a month, about 80 percent of people still say they are on track. Very few people can confidently say they succeeded in changing. It may be difficult, but it can be done. You need to know what to do and the right methods.

Changing people’s behavior is probably one of the most difficult and complex tasks that organizational leaders face the world over. Think about yourself. When was the last time you tried to change a behavior? What was it that you were wanting to change? Was it a big change or a simple one? Now be honest – were you successful?

If changing one’s own behavior is so difficult, imagine how challenging it will be to help change others’ behaviors. If you believe that it can be done, then you must look at the limitations of the tools and techniques you are using to bring about the change. Are they good enough?

The problem most organizational leaders encounter is despite providing the best resources and environment and spending big bucks on training people, they seldom change. It is just so frustrating. The question one needs to ask is whether you are willing to invest in the follow-through.

Any change requires consistent follow-up and support and cannot be achieved with a one-time pill of training or a shot of reward and recognition. If it has to be a sustainable change then you need someone who can effectively help support the follow-through efforts. A coach can play this role effectively.

A Rafael Nadal or a Roger Federer or for that matter Novak Djokovic would not have turned into great players and legends of the game without the support and guidance of a coach.

Imagine if they had just attended one or two programs on how to serve, volley, return, or rally – would they have become who they are today? probably yes, but that would have been lucky and you wouldn’t want to leave your life and business on lady luck, do you?

From my observation and conversation that I had with people who want to go the fitness route as to what stops them from hiring a personal coach, most are evasive in their answers or give excuses like they are expensive; they have not yet found a great coach, time does not permit and that remains endless.

Have you ever thought, that maybe it could be the FEAR that you would actually CHANGE?
Or you would be forced to?

If you are serious about change?
Get in touch with me for a 1:1 Coaching Session

From time to time, each of us will find ourselves in a rut of boredom and disinterest. We seem to lose our zest for life and feel tired, irritable, and unmotivated. We want to hide under the covers rather than face the day. Perhaps you’re feeling overwhelmed by work, sad about the pain and suffering in the world, or just bored with the routine of your daily life.

You are not alone.

We all go through periods like this at some point. The good news is that we can do something about it. Here are some tips to help break out of the rut and feel excited about life again:

1. Take a “Time Out” – Prolonged stress can wear us down and zap any enthusiasm we once had. Before doing anything else, take a few minutes to breathe and just BE. Empty your mind of all stress and worry. This takes practice, but don’t give up! As thoughts come into your mind, gently push them back out and continue to keep your mind empty and calm. Take slow, deep breaths and let all of your muscles relax. Sit quietly and recharge your batteries. Try to do this daily, or even twice daily (morning and night). We need quiet time as much as we need anything else in life. Give yourself the gift of inner peace.

2. Get Inspired – Read something motivational, inspirational, or uplifting. Look at some beautiful nature photos, or read something humorous. Consciously move your thoughts to a more positive place. Focusing on nothing but work and our daily tasks in life can leave us feeling pretty uninspired. It’s easy to turn it around if we want to. We just have to seek out things that will lift our spirits and our moods. Make it a point to laugh, be happy, joyful, and lighthearted each day. Don’t wait for inspiration to come knocking on your door, go out and find it, or create it. Conjure up some funny or touching memories. Write them in a journal so you can go back and read them when you’re feeling down.

3. Get Excited – Think about the things you have planned for the day, and rekindle the enthusiasm you once felt for them. When we first begin a new project or start a new job, we are excited about the possibilities and eager to get moving! Over time, we can lose that enthusiasm for a variety of reasons. Travel back in time for a moment, and think about what got you so excited at the beginning. What made your heartbeat a little faster? Recapture that feeling and hang onto it! Even if your tasks aren’t anything to be really excited about, at least think of some positive benefits to doing them. For example, list the ways they will benefit your children, your spouse, yourself, your job, or your home. Identify the payoff, and focus on that. Even mundane tasks have some benefits. Sometimes it’s just a matter of switching our mindset to see the positive side.

4. Baby Steps – Sometimes the hardest part is actually getting started. A project seems so monstrous that we cringe at the thought of all that time and energy we’ll have to expend. Instead of overwhelming yourself, start small. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just start working on it. Allow yourself to stop after 15 minutes if you really want to. But most often, once we actually start working on something, we won’t want to stop. Don’t focus on the big picture, look at the smaller details and take them on one at a time. Any large task seems manageable once we break it down into smaller steps.

5. Care of the Body – Sometimes our feelings of fatigue are caused by physical deficiencies, not mental. Be sure you are getting enough rest, eating food that nourishes your body, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise, etc. Especially when we’re very busy, we tend to grab the quickest, easiest meals, which aren’t always the best choice for our bodies. Eating a lot of highly processed foods and sugar is like putting watered-down gasoline into our cars. In order for our cars to run smoothly, we need to maintain them properly, and so it is with our bodies also. Remember, the body is the vehicle for the mind and soul!

Finally, remember to reward yourself from time to time, and be gentle with yourself! There will always be things that “need” to be done. But some of us take on way more than we can handle, and our lives turn into a pit of drudgery because of it. Try to eliminate the things that truly don’t bring you joy, or at least minimize the time you spend on them.

Do what you can, and let the rest go. Or ask for help. Don’t feel you have to do everything yourself.

Remember that motivation, just like happiness, is something we CHOOSE.
We may need to give ourselves a little push at the beginning, but once we get into the right mindset, it’s simple to stay there if we choose to.

SIGN-UP for a 1:1 Coaching Session 👇🏽

One of the keys to reaching your goals is to eliminate any escape routes. It is tempting to retreat to safety and comfort when challenges and difficulties arise. To avoid turning around and abandoning your goals, you must make going forward more compelling than going back.

When striving towards a goal, you must focus on what you want to obtain and avoid the impulse to go back to what you know and to what is comfortable. When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.

Eliminating an escape route creates a compelling reason to focus on the goal and to keep moving forward. However, it is important to keep in mind that although Cortez had his men burn the ships, he did not have them burn the food and supplies. Cutting off an escape route to increase motivation and create the desire to press on where you might otherwise give up is totally different from throwing caution to the wind and taking undue risks.

Reaching your goals still requires prudent planning and managing. All goals contain a certain degree of risk, but it isn’t necessary to create undue risk and stress by not properly planning and thus lacking the necessary tools and supplies to achieve your goal. Take risks, but don’t be careless or foolish and simply hope that everything will be okay.

Before you decide to burn your ships, make sure you have the supplies and tools necessary to achieve the goal. Something like quitting your job might sound like a good way to close the escape route, but it might also be a fast way to bankruptcy if you don’t have resources to carry you through. Creating a savings account or having a journey job (a job that is a stepping stone to what you really want) allows you to take the risk of leaving your current job without creating undue risk.

Close off the escape routes and make sure that you have a compelling reason to move forward. However, at the same time, make sure that you plan for the risk and have the tools, supplies, and resources you need to achieve your goals. You can’t eliminate risk, but you can plan for it.

Don’t just jump in without thinking through the process and having a solid plan for moving forward.

Are you are struggling to reach your GOALS and want someone who could
BURN THE BOAT behind you?

Reading books and watching motivational videos alone won’t help.

Want to know how? 👇🏼

Have you ever had an idea that truly excited you, but you waited to act on it, only to find that when you did eventually take action it wasn’t all it seemed cracked up to be?

Or worse, you never acted on it at all because you never got around to it?

Throughout your life, how many inspired and worthy ideas ended up in the trash heap of discarded possibility?

How many of those ideas would you really liked to have acted upon?

What stopped you from taking action the moment you felt the excitement of possibility and that tingling sensation through your body?

For most of us, we fail to act on an idea for one of three following reasons:

1. The timing is “not so convenient,” so we postpone by telling ourselves we will do it later.
2. We believe we don’t have enough resources.
3. We want to test waters. We want to be sure of the feasibility, before we do anything about acting on the idea.

Often, people want certainty that the idea will work, and they seem to bind themselves with rules and ideas about what and how anything needs to happen in order for anything to be successful.

We believe we may suffer a loss or think ‘what if’ we end up in failure often leading to a paralysis and failing to execute the idea at all. But at what cost?

When it comes to executing an idea, it’s sometimes worth doing it than not doing it at all. Even if it’s done poorly.

Now if you are high on conscientiousness and are a perfectionist by nature, you may rubbish this idea. You may even cringe. “If anything is worth doing then it better be done well” is the idealism so many of us were brought up with or conditioned to. If you cannot to things properly it’s better to not do it at all.

Imagine, how many things in our life don’t get done at all because of our concern for perfection wins over the practice of “just doing it?”

5 reasons that make you indecisive!

1. Overanalyzing: Paralysis by analysis though cliched is very real. Overthinking is the bane of potential high achievers. Overanalyzing and overthinking leads is the death-knell for ideas, opportunities and in many cases, even relationships.

2. Self-doubt: Will I be able to do it well? Will I do it perfectly? Do I really have the ability? Am I dreaming? are some of the questions we ask in self-doubt.  Remember, when you wait for conditions to be right before you act, there is always a reason not to act.
3. Self-criticism: When you lead life with the belief that anything that is done has to be not just done well, you have to get it right the first time, then you tend to focus more why anything you do is not good enough. What is success? Who defines what constitutes success? Most of the time it is you and you are your own worst critic.  It is a vicious cycle which leads to high level of stress, frustration and depression.
4. Procrastination: Have you ever felt like you could have done somethings much earlier than today, maybe even a year back? As someone said wisely, “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” While postponing certain decisions can sometimes be productive, often it is more destructive when it turns into a habit. Imagine, how many times in your life have you said “I will see later,” and that “later” eventually ended up being never.
5. Indecisiveness: Indecision creeps up on you slowly and silently, killing your self-confidence, focus and creativity. Often those who are indecisive end up with anxiety, lack of concentration, and limited growth. A decision taken is far more worth than not taking it at all.  At least you know if your idea works, learn lessons and move forward.  Indecisiveness kills progression and effects your mental wellness as well.

INTERESTED to read more such posts, please subscribe to my fortnightly newsletter! 👇

While social media has connected the world and made it boundaryless, virtually to say, it has had its fair share of toxicity that it has introduced into the world. 

That it has completely taken over the mind-space of its users and has turned them into demonstrating narcissistic behaviors online is scary, to say the least.  It has the ability to take control of your life so much so that it has turned most people into narcissists without them even realize that they have become one.

It is sparing no one, leaders, families, young and old alike.  All are afflicted with this toxic behavior of narcissism.  There is a pattern that says it all.  If you observe the way people present themselves and interact on social media will provide you with tell-tale signs of how deep this malaise has set in.  A final nail in the coffin on this bitter reality is that the very same people are also talking about narcissism and narcissistic behaviors as they self-indulge.

Let’s look at 7 tell-tale signs that you are slowly or already turned yourself into an online narcissist. 

Here is how you can measure? 👇👇👇

1. Hypocrisy – If you find yourself starting to talk or present yourself like a politician during an electoral campaign, then you are surely showing signs.  For example, how a politician says he/she cares so much about his/her people and the nation at large.  Do you truly believe?  Same is the case with so many who project themselves as the most ideal people in this world.  Only those who are close to them know they truly are.  I am sure you would have come across posts from your friends, colleagues, managers and others, proclaiming that they believe in somethings only for you to cringe at their hypocrisy.
   
   
2. Playing the victim – narcissists are known to play the victim card wonderfully well to appeal to the compassion and sympathy of others.  They portray themselves as innocent victims of other misdeeds and post vague, sympathy soliciting posts when they are upset with someone or do not get the attention which they strongly desire to have.
   
   
3. Hollow words of praise – if you find yourselves liking and commenting on posts without really meaning it; that is exactly what a person with narcissistic tendencies does.  For example, when you like a post and comment “This is absolutely fantastic share” and don’t follow it up by your action of engaging a little further as to why you found it to be a great post, then….”  Aren’t you hurting the prospects of the person by liking or commenting without meaning it? By doing so aren’t you depriving the person of some real feedback?  Are you not pushing the person into a world of self-deception or delusion?
   
   
4. Self-promotion and bragging – Alarm bells should ring when you start seeing people proclaiming that they have crossed 1M followers and all you find them doing online is copying and pasting various quotes picked up online.  Blatant plagiarism.  Authentic people do not need to self-proclaim or hard-sell their popularity.  These are signs of deceitful behaviour which entrap the audience in their web.
   
   
5. Being empty cans – narcissists are the biggest empty cans of all.  They make a lot of noise about things and lead their lives wearing their phony halos all the while betraying, deceiving, using and abusing people and shifting the blame away from themselves on to others.
   
   
6. Double standards – online narcissists are those who propagate theories which they themselves do not follow or seen to be doing exactly the opposite.  One such example is about all those who propagate to others about how “Money is not everything in life and people need to spend time looking inwards”.  These are the very people who will be basking in all the luxuries – in your face.  I saw many social media posts of celebrities, so-called leaders who were talking about how people should remain safe and wear masks and keep social distancing, only to find the very next moment they are flouting all what they were propounding a while ago.
   
   
7. Abusive, defensive or violent behaviour – They become extremely defensive, abusive or violent in their social media interactions when you do not agree or provide them with a contrarian view.  As with all narcissists, they also have a strong fan following who literally ‘FAN’ their toxic behaviour by defending them on social media and other platforms.  All this while the narcissist would just make the initial statement and then sit back and enjoy the fun.
   

There could be many more, but it is important for us to understand that the toxicity of narcissistic behavior is known not just when you learn or hear about a violent outcome, it comes in subtle forms.

You might have been already afflicted by it.

Interested to read more about such topics? Sign up for our fortnightly newsletter!

Hello and welcome back to another episode of #thecriticaldialogue with your favourite Mullah Naseeruddin.

Late one night as a man was walking back home, he saw Mullah Naseeruddin, down on all fours, frantically searching for something under the streetlight. 

“What have you lost, Mullah?  What is so important that you have to search for it at this hour? 

“I am searching for the key to my treasure chest,” replied the Mullah, with a sense of despair.

“May I help you in your search” asked the passer-by.  “Maybe we can find your key sooner”.

“Thank you, my friend, so caring and kind of you to have offered to help, at this hour,” said the Mullah.

The passer-by joined Mullah in his search. 

It was over an hour now and there was no luck as they did not find the key.

The man finally asked the Mullah “Tell me, can you try and recollect where was the last time you kept the key?”

Naseeruddin pointed towards the darkness and said “Over there, in my house.  I remember to have lost the key inside my house…”

Exasperated and angry the passer-by shouted at Mullah Naseeruddin, “You fool, then why the hell are you searching for the key out here in the street? You should go back and search inside”.

“My friend I am searching under the streetlight as there is more visibility out here than inside my house” replied the Mullah, quite nonchalantly. 

As you see while the story is hilarious, there is so much depth and meaning if you care to reflect.

Most of us are constantly looking for the key to happiness, the key to bliss, the key to freedom, the key to inner peace and tranquillity, the key to love, and the key to God which we seem to have lost.

We are frantically searching for it by attaching ourselves to different concepts, fads, cults and immersing ourselves in different theories just because they are popular and are in the light, out there in the open.

In fact, the right place to look for the key is the place where you have actually lost it, even if there is less light there and it is the only place where you can possibly find it and that is deep within yourself.

What I like about my favourite Mullah Naseeruddin stories is that superficially most of them may be used purely as humor, but inherent in these stories are hidden gems, the depths of which may be understood by anyone who is willing to dive deep and go beyond the obvious.

They can help bring your conscience a little closer to self-realization.

I hope you enjoyed this one.  Please do not forget to like, comment or share.

You could help someone find their lost key.

On a bright sunny day Mullah Naseeruddin and his King were out on a stroll around the city.

It was customary for the King to go out with the Mullah in disguise, just so that he could find out about the happenings in the kingdom and the well-being of his subjects.

They saw some people gathered under a tree, having an animated discussion.  On going closer to find out, they witnessed that there were two people, each claiming to be telling the truth and alleging that the other was a liar.  From their discussion it was difficult to tell who was telling the truth.

As they were walking back to the palace, the Mullah opined “O my beloved King, you see, no matter how many laws, rules and regulations you make, you cannot make people better; they must practice certain things, to get attuned or in touch with what I call ‘inner truth’.  This form of truth resembles what is apparent ever so slightly”.

The King did not agree to the Mullah.  “I can make people observe and practice truthfulness.  I will show you how laws can be used to make my subjects speak the truth always” he proclaimed.

The next day the King wanted to show the Mullah how that could be done.  He set up gallows right at the entrance of the city, which was the only way people could get into the city.  Near the gate he stationed his guards and their captain to implement his idea.

“Anyone who wishes to enter the city, will have to answer a question; and only those who were found to be telling the truth will be allowed to enter.  Those who lie will be put to the gallows, right here at the entrance” proclaimed the King.

The following day, when the gates were opened, it was Mullah Naseeruddin who was the first to step forward.

“Where are you going?” asked the guard.  “I am on my way to be hanged” answered the Mullah ever so calmly.

“We don’t believe you” said the guard.

“Very well, if you think I have told a lie, please hang me!”

“No way we are going to hang you, cause if we do, then we would have made what you said come true!” said the guard and let the Mullah pass.

“You see, now you know what ‘Truth’ is – YOUR truth!” said the Mullah as he entered the city with his King standing in admiration of the Mullah and feeling glad that he has such a wise man as his counsel.

The truth is ever so hard for people to comprehend.

Truth often isn’t apparent. Truth can be very hard to arrive at. There are a lot of people who hide all kinds of truth and some are so good at it that they let very little escape from behind their shield.

What’s your truth?

For you to Reflect

Do you relate to this story?

How often have you found yourself trying hard to defend the ‘truth’?

Why was it so difficult?